energy Archives - Page 2 of 2

Energy Doesn’t Lie

I’ve had some realisations about myself recently. I have been a liar. My whole life. I avoid painful truths and attempt to convince myself and others that the lie is the truth. I’m so well practiced in this self-deception that it comes naturally. I decide what it is that I want to be the truth, and I tell myself over and over that it is so. Every time my conscience pipes up, I instantly quash her with affirmations that the lie is the truth. I do this so well that I’ve convinced myself over the years that I’m an open book, that I never lie, that I respect and uphold the truth always, that I’m a person of honesty and integrity. I believed it. I even found a way to reinforce my integrity and prove my “goodness” by joking about what a bad liar I am – I can’t pull off a poker face with an outright, eye-to-eye lie (that is true). If you’re planning a surprise party for someone, you’d be wise to get someone else do to the lying, because I will likely fail. If you’ve got a secret, don’t tell me if it means that I have to lie to someone about it, because I will squirm and give it away even if not with my words. This became a type of insurance policy, a guarantee for me. I thought that I must be a good person, incapable of the immoral act of dishonesty. It was my ultimate false advertising, which helped keep in place the sham of my deceptive ways.

The truth – I’ve lied all my life. It starts young, as soon as we learn how to string a sentence together. We all laugh at the lies of a small child, the stories they tell as they navigate the terrain of fact from fiction, and then the fibs that they make up in an attempt to avoid getting into trouble. But we’re supposed to learn, through experience and being parented, that lying is wrong and telling the truth is right. I know I was taught this, but it seems that the lessons didn’t stick so well. I was a “good girl”, and I got the idea that lying to uphold this image was a better option than telling the truth and being found out to be a fraud. I haven’t committed any criminal offences, but it’s safe to say that there have been some lies that have left a lingering stench of guilt, and the seemingly smaller, personal lies I’ve told myself over the years have been eating away at me. The deeper I get into spiritual work of cleaning up my energy and journeying with my soul, the more obvious it’s becoming that these lies can’t remain hidden, and I can’t keep up this way of being.

I’ve been feeling frustrated in recent months that my life isn’t yet consistently changing and improving in the way that I’d hoped and expected when I embarked on this spiritual path. I’ve been SO DAMN DEDICATED, and yet something is off. I’m not getting the results. I’ve written about the depressive episodes that have recently returned, but beyond that, I’ve felt stuck, struggling, striving, wishing, yearning, disappointed, disheartened.

It’s pretty funny when I think about it. It’s so obvious that lying would have a huge negative impact on my energy field. How can I possibly feel aligned, connected to source, and high vibing, when deceptive actions and lying words are my norm. I’ve been in such denial of my dishonest ways that I didn’t realise that I was essentially doing the vibrational equivalent of eating a mega healthy, organic, gluten free, dairy free, sugar free diet packed with vitamins, minerals and nutrients, and then washing it all down with Draino and wondering why I felt so sick.

So what are the lies that I tell myself and others? Obviously there are those of us who tell the big and obvious porky-pies around topics such as infidelity, stealing, and the like. But I’m talking about the more subtle, and perhaps seemingly innocent lies. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in some of these …

The standard response of “Good thanks” when asked “How are you?” when in truth, I’m not feeling good, but I don’t want to be a downer.
The excuses I make up to avoid doing what I don’t want to do.
Telling someone what I know they want to hear, to avoid hurting their feelings.
Doing what my partner/kids/family/workplace/community/society says I should do, when in truth I don’t think it’s right.
Telling myself that “This is life, get over it”, when in truth I just can’t be bothered or I don’t have the courage to do what it takes to have the life I desire.
Telling myself that I want something, when really I’m just settling for what seems good enough, because I’m not sure if I can get what it is that I really want, and I don’t want to miss out altogether.
Ignoring the niggling feeling in my gut/the little voice in my head that is telling me “This isn’t right”.

So why has lying has become a part of my daily existence? I believe it stems from wanting love, acceptance, and approval from others, but believing that I can’t get it if people know the truth about me. It starts small, and builds momentum. I’m avoiding the negative consequences of my actions. I’m seeking pleasure, joy and the good life, and avoiding the opposite. Essentially, I’m scared. I’m fearful that the truth will leave me without love.

The reality is that in choosing fear and attempting to avoid that which I don’t want, I’m setting up an energetic domino effect that will ultimately bring me more of what I don’t want. I know that fear is the opposite of love. I know that the law of attraction states that like attracts like. So by lying, I’m creating an energetic frequency that will attract more lies and more fear into my life, and in doing so, I’m moving further and further away from love.

So, it’s time for me to do some cleaning up. Despite the long trail of lies behind me, I’ve been working on my energy through my spiritual practice, and so it was inevitable that they would be brought out into the open for healing. The best part is, my practice is my foundation, and I know it will carry me through the process of moving into alignment with my truth, no matter how rocky things might get as I clean up the mess.

I’m ready to choose love.

Image credit: On Golden Pond by Nick Kenrick. Used under license.

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Struggle Street is not a Worthy Route

As my journey continues, I yet again find myself on Struggle Street. Life feels hard. My mojo is fluctuating. I worry that I’m doing “it all” wrong. I quieten my voice out of fear that I’ll prove that my breakthroughs and highs were nothing but flukes, peaks on the never-ending roller coaster of life. I begin to berate myself for feeling as I do, knowing too well that I am truly blessed in this life, I’ve faced no tragedy, no trauma, no extreme hardship … I haven’t earned my right to suffer.

STOP.

This is the point where things are now beginning to transform.

I remember that berating myself is a waste of time, a recipe for feeling progressively worse rather than forcing me to feel better. Negativity and forcefulness is never the way.

I remember that negative thoughts are a product of my ego. They are not the truth. I remember to notice them, and acknowledge them. I remember not to label them as good or bad – that is my ego tricking me again, masquerading as my higher self. I simply let them be.

I remember that struggle is a concept of the ego. I need not struggle. I remember to observe my thoughts, my feelings, my suffering. I remember that my ego makes them painful. I remember that I need not fight them, push them away, deny them. I observe them, allow them them to be, give them space, and accept them as they are.

I remember that surrender is the path to freedom. I remember that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and my journey gives me everything I need to learn and grow. I remember that I can trust the entire process.

I remember that changing my energy will change my life. I realise that life will not suddenly become pain free – energetic shifts take time to play out in their entirety in the circumstances of life, and there is a lot of cleaning up to be done. The timeframe and sequence of these changes is not of my choosing, it is a matter of the divine. I now remember that struggling through the process is a choice, and that it’s much more enjoyable to go with the flow.

I remember that speaking my voice and sharing my truth, when done with love, is not only freeing for my soul, but also the way I shine my light in the world.

Image credit: I saw the wind and it hugged me, by Dee Ashley. Under license.

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Message from a Tree-Hugging Hippy

I’ve been pretty occupied lately.

Being a mummy. Preparing food. Washing clothes…

Practicing yoga. Meditating. Resting…

Studying. Reading. Learning…

There has been a part of me just itching to share more about what’s been occupying a large chunk of my time over the past eight months, because it has been freaking awesome. Amazing. Eye opening. Life changing. But … There has also been a part of me that has been hesitant to share, fearing negative judgement. To be completely honest, I’ve thought way to much about what every single person I know will think of me if I share this part of my life. I’ve learnt this lesson before – worrying about the opinions that other people have of you is futile. However … I tend to be a slow learner! I’ve been scared that people will think I’m a “tree-hugging hippy”, a bit weird, a fruit loop, a naive and silly little girl with my head in the clouds and a loose grip on reality. But something subtle is starting to shift within me, and I can feel a mask slowly peeling away from me, leaving me feeling more and more ready to express without fear. With abandon. Because the people who don’t get me, aren’t the ones I’m supposed to be talking to. My truth is that I’ve recently experienced some of the most profound and significant lessons of my life to date, and I feel moved and obligated to share with people who are interested, open, and perhaps searching. For the people who think that I’m weird, that’s none of my business. Thanks for coming, have a nice day. Being free of the idea that I have to hide a part of me, is truly liberating. Let’s get to it.

I’ve spoken a little here and here about my studies with Belinda Davidson’s School of the Modern Mystic (SoMM). I’ve just completed Level 1, and to say it’s been a game changer for my life is, quite frankly, an understatement. I feel like my entire approach to life has shifted. Actually, it has. The way I go about my day, my every waking moment, is informed and influenced by what I have been learning. Let me tell you a bit about exactly what I’ve learnt.

The first module of the course is all about chakras. Prior to this course, the only things I knew about chakras were that they are within the body, they are related to energy, they are the colours of the rainbow, and my yoga teachers often refer to them during class. Belinda has taught me so much more. In a nutshell, the chakras are a part of our energy system, which affect every aspect of our life. Let’s go back a bit first, to explain how this works. My (very limited) understanding is that according to quantum physics, all physical matter in the universe is essentially made of energy – that is, the smallest “part” of all physical matter is energy. For example, a solid piece of metal, is not actually solid at all – it is made up of miniscule “bits” of vibrating energy, all squished so closely together that they appear solid (can you tell I’m using my best scientific terminology?!). As such, the body is made up of energy. The chakras are an energy system of our body. These chakras generate, distribute, and absorb energy. Our energy field is made up of 12 chakras – 6 in our physical body, and 6 above our head, and each one relates to different aspects of our physical body, health, and life circumstances. Belinda teaches, in the School of the Modern Mystic, that we can positively influence the chakras, via our subconscious, during meditation (i.e. focused energy), in order to change our energy field, and thus change our life. We do this by practicing a chakra cleanse meditation. Belinda’s motto is “change your energy, change your life … get your chakras rocking, and life becomes magic”.

The chakra module of the course is very in-depth. Level 1 covers chakras 1-7. We spent two weeks on each chakra, learning the theory (i.e. it’s location, attributes, areas of the body it governs, how it impacts our life), as well as activating, balancing and strengthening our chakra, and reflecting on the state of it, and how our practices are impacting it. In this sense, the course is extremely practical. As Belinda explains, you can know all the theory in the world, but unless you are actually doing your spiritual practices, you are not treading the spiritual path.

This module of the course on its own, has been mind-blowing. I have been interested in the benefits of meditation for a long time, but never committed to a regular practice, and frankly, found it boring (ha!), which made it difficult to stick with. Like many others, for a long time I was mistakenly under the impression that meditating required me to stop thinking for lengthy periods of time. Have you ever tried to stop thinking? If you’ve never tried, I’d be willing to be that you won’t make it to a minute. The guided chakra cleanse meditation that we use in the course made meditation so easy for me. A 35 minute audio, guiding me through the meditation, during which I focus on each of my chakras. No striving to stop my thoughts. Simply focusing on each chakra as guided by the audio. Six months ago, I could not have predicted that I would now be guiding myself through the meditation without the audio prompts, actually feeling and experiencing the energy of my chakras, feeling energy course through my body, and observing the effects that the chakra cleansing is having on my life. Whilst I’ve always been interested in hearing about energy medicine and modalities like Reiki and polarity therapy, I could never understand or relate when people could feel or see or sense energy. Now, I’m experiencing it for myself.

Early on in the course, I knew I had imbalances, weaknesses, and blockages in pretty much all of my chakras, simply by learning the theory, and analysing how it fitted in with my health and life circumstances. As the course progressed, and I meditated more, and focused more on my chakras every day, I learned to feel the state of my chakras – to feel their energy. Aspects of my life have certainly shifted and improved as I’ve worked on my chakric health, and when I’m having problems or difficulties in certain areas of my life, I now intuitively look to my chakras, and work on the issue from there. Interestingly, sometimes I recognise an issue in my chakras before I notice its manifestation in my body or life circumstances.

Module two is all about the White Light – a healing spiritual energy. I feel a LOT of resistance in talking about this module, as its sounds kind of “woo woo” to use Belinda’s words, however it was surprisingly fascinating, heart warming, enlightening, very practical and thrilling! We learnt how to use the White Light, to strengthen our ability to cleanse our chakras, clear energetic blockages, and manifest our desires. It’s given me a certain power to supercharge my creative action taking, and it’s filled me with unconditional love. This module was the most surprising for me, as it cemented my true belief in this work. I have been able to physically experience the energy of the White Light, which was initially startling (but beautiful), and I see the effects it’s having on my life – proof that it’s real and it works!

Module three covered a topic that is getting a lot of coverage these days, and rightly so: mindfulness. We studied two texts as part of this module: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, and The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris. I view both of these texts as handbooks for life. Tolle’s writing isn’t particularly easy to read, but it is full of profound wisdom. Harris’s book is extremely practical and simple to read. Both help us learn and understand how the mind works – that we are composed of two “selves” – the thinking self (the ego), and the observing self. Our aim is to learn to disassociate from the thinking self, and learn to associate with the observing self, through practices of mindfulness and presence. I can’t recommend these texts highly enough. This module has taught us to recognise when our ego is taking over, so that we can align with our observing self – our “higher self” or “light-filled self”. In this way, we can continue on our spiritual path, without getting sidetracked or high-jacked by our ego, which can only lead us back to pain and suffering. I practice mindfulness every single day. It is especially helpful when I’m dealing with screaming children, trying to get the kids ready for school on time, or lamenting the fact that I can’t seem to achieve all the things on my “to do” list every day!

So, put it all together, and these three modules give us the pillar practices for creating healthy energy, and thus being able to create the life of our dreams.

Where I’m at right now, at the conclusion of this Level 1 course, is a place of calmness and positivity. That may not sound astounding, but it is. I feel confident that I have the ongoing ability to deal with whatever life throws at me, as well as to create and live a life of my choosing, as opposed to drifting with the current. This course has given me a foundation, I believe, to ensure that I never again find myself wallowing in self-pity and using “I can’t cope” as an excuse to opt out of life. In a practical sense, this translates into an ability to keep my cool (mostly!) with my kids, no matter how severe the tantrum. To experience contentment and peace in the present moment. To trust that there is a path in front of me, leading me on the journey I am destined to travel, filled with so much joy and love. To have eliminated the sense of despair and dread of a ho-hum existence or worse, as well as the incessant worrying that I’m a terrible parent, stuffing-up at every turn and ruining my kids for life.

As a gratifying extra, my husband has told me he’s noticed a difference in me. He thinks I’m coping better with daily life as a mummy. I’m happier. I’m less stressed. I’m more easy-going.

In the interests of transparency, I’m not suggesting that life is suddenly perfection and that there is no room for improvement, or that I don’t have times of struggle or pain. There are ongoing issues that I’m still working on, and my manifesting technique requires much practice, but – THAT’S FINE. I’m in a place where SoMM has given me the ability to recognise, on a moment to moment basis, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and that wherever that is, IS perfect. Instead of stressing about why I haven’t manifested something-or-other, I know that I am on my path, and that it will manifest when it is meant to, if it is in my best interests. When I notice myself feeling upset, or angry, or frustrated, I’m able to observe those thoughts or feelings, and recognise them as separate to who I am. This doesn’t necessarily solve all my problems, but it helps me to move on from them more quickly than what I otherwise would have, or to find solutions instead of wallowing in pain.

In the aftermath of completing Level 1 of SoMM, I am now preparing for Level 2, which is all about learning how to discover and live your soul purpose. Completing Level 1 has prepared me and my energy field to embark on this new journey. I have yearned for what seems like forever, to know what it is that I was put on this earth to do. I am thrilled to have found a path to discovering what it is that my soul intends for me.

As I’ve progressed through SoMM, I’ve felt like I’m becoming better able to connect with the things that bring me joy. I’m drawn to them, and I’m recognising the feelings they incite. As I plan to begin Level 2 in July, the Universe is giving me little insights. I’m learning that whatever feels awesome, lights me up, sparks an interest, is worth pursuing. That my soul purpose is something that will make my heart sing with joy, not something that I will become begrudgingly obligated to follow. That my spiritual practices will take me there. That there is an abundance of guidance and help available to me, if I simply ask.

My spiritual practices, which have become part of my daily routine, are having the most beautiful impact on my life. I’m astonished by the power of a simple daily chakra cleanse meditation. I feel my chakras spin. I channel White Light. It’s truly magical.

So I’m firing up. Following the sparks. Expressing what I can. I still have no idea where it will lead me, apart from where I am destined to be. And that, my lovely, is THRILLING!

xoxo

To learn more about Belinda Davidson’s School of the Modern Mystic, or to purchase the Guided Chakra Cleanse for Busy People, click on the images below.

I am a proud affliate of Belinda Davidson’s School of the Modern Mystic, and earn a commission on any sales made as a result of my referral.

Main image credit: crazy flare, by Yutaka Seki. Under licence.

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The Milky Way is Always There

It is a divinely beautiful experience to stand under the Milky Way on a clear, balmy summer night. The energy is exquisite. A few weeks ago, I did just this, gazing into the heavens, drinking in the atmosphere, and feeling a sense of perspective with my place in the universe.

The following night, I went out to drink in some more of the loveliness, but the stars were hidden beneath smatterings of cloud. It was still beautiful, in its own way, but it didn’t hold the magic and sparkle of the previous evening. And yet, I knew that beyond those clouds, the same Milky Way was still there, just hidden from my eyes.

Once again, it’s been quite a while since I last posted here. There are a few reasons:

1. Committing to Sleep
I think I’ve finally solved my sleep commitment issues. I made a pact with myself that I can only rise early in the morning to meditate if I’ve slept for 8 hours. Daily meditation is a part of the spiritual studies I’m currently undertaking, and I’m learning that the benefits are life changing. Further to this, I’m finding that meditation first thing after waking is an awesome way to begin my day, as it starts me off in the right head-space, and carries throughout my day. So, despite my natural tendency towards being a night owl, I’ve had surprisingly little difficulty in establishing this practice. The problem lay in maintaining my late night habits alongside my early morning meditation. Exhaustion does not facilitate mindfulness. Hence, the pact. That has been motivation enough.

Herein lies the next problem: my writing and publishing, thus far, has been confined to late night (or very early morning!) when the kids are asleep, and I have no other pressing responsibilities (aside from sleep, that is!). So, when I’m committed to sleep at night, it’s tricky to find daylight hours to squeeze in writing between the school and kinder run, playing trains, riding bikes to the park, keeping the house looking semi-respectable, preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner, cleaning up after breakfast lunch and dinner … I’ll stop there. It’s oh-so-easy to push yourself into the trap of “I don’t have the time” (all the while emphatically claiming that you fell in, against your most-determined will).

2. Wallowing in an Energetic Funk
I’ve struggled to generate inspired content that I deem publish worthy. This is a trend for me, it seems. I’m not interested in publishing just for the sake of it, despite all the advice out there that consistent content creation is key to a successful blog. I only want to share writing that I feel moved to share, writing that I believe will resonate, move, inspire, comfort, or spread love. I’m less about “successful blog”, and more about authentic connection.

I’ve struggled with this, I believe, because my energy has taken somewhat of nose dive from the heady highs of the early weeks of this year, when my chakras were rocking, and I was brimming with positivity and connection.

I don’t think I’ve done anything “wrong” to cause this downward turn. I’ve maintained my meditation practice. I’m continuously delving deep into spirit. I’m even sleeping more! I think it’s simply the ebb and flow of energy and life, it’s something I’m learning from and I’m yet to master. I understand that the level that my energy vibrates on is my responsibility, but I’m still learning how to manage this. I’m acknowledging the drains on my energy, such as the new routines and earlier mornings with a new preppy in the family. I’m making an effort to accept this experience for what it is, without making it wrong. I’m doing more “gentle” and “restorative” yoga classes, and less vinyasa, until my body is ready. I’ve turned down invitations for evening socialising, and instead substituted rest and sleep. But, I’m still a work in progress. I am so ingrained in the mindset of “pushing through” when it comes to matters of household and parenting duties, and this inevitably lands me in the state I’m in right now – succumbed to a viral infection, unable to do much, and forced to do that which I should have done to prevent this outcome: rest. It’s uncomfortable territory to put me as number one priority. I’m taking baby steps.

Anyway, my energetic funk has had me feeling like I’m incapable of producing shareable content, because I believe that high-vibing content can’t be faked. If I’m not vibing high, any content I create will stink of the funk I’m in. But I’m coming to realise that there is an antidote, a way to create that is authentic and share-worthy, even when I’m feeling down (because let’s face it, we can’t hide under the bed covers indefinitely every time we’re feeling off).

The answer: taking action, and being honest.

So, here I am.

Waiting around to feel “ready” to write, waiting for inspiration to hit, will get me nowhere. I’ve been trying to convince myself that the time will be right soon, but not right now. This has generated nothing. There is a time for stillness, a time for rest, but this is not the same thing. Knowing that I have these words bubbling up inside of me, clambering to get out onto the screen and in front of you, means that I need to take action. During the time between publishing posts, I don’t sit around feeling fulfilled by my last post – I feel magnetically pulled toward creating. I don’t always know what it is I want to write, but I can feel the words trying to escape from inside of me. Putting pen to paper, and turning on the computer, is what generates the inspiration for exactly what it is I will share with you.

As I’ve explained, my highs of the early weeks of the year have bottomed out. I’ve been doing everything I’m “supposed” to be doing to improve and maintain energetic vitality, but I’ve lost that sense of flow and connection that I was in. I’ve felt frustrated, frustrated, frustrated. Plus angry, embarrassed, and like a failure. I had thought that once I’d attained that lofty high, I was there to stay. A high is like that – it makes you feel invincible, like you’ll never return to the grotty lows from where you first rose. What am I supposed to say now that it’s waning? I’ve felt like a fool at times, like a naive little girl chasing castles in the sky. How can I progress from there?

So, I’ve had some time, to be with what is, and to consider my situation from different perspectives. I chose not to quit in disappointment and disillusionment, but to maintain my commitment to my spiritual practices – THANK GOODNESS. It’s paying off – a few days ago, I finally re-connected, albeit faintly, with source. It’s brought about an awakening:

• Energy ebbs and flows. It’s my responsibility to maintain my own high vibration of energy, but I also need to acknowledge the natural peaks and troughs of the energy that surrounds and impacts me, and do my best to work with it and flow with the currents. It’s my responsibility to prevent external low vibration energies from dragging me down.

• This too, shall pass.
• I am exactly where I am supposed to be – even if that is in a funk – and my journey gives me everything I need to learn and grow. I trust the entire process.
• Beneath the fog of my funk, I’m still the same soul that I was at my vibrational high. It’s simply the clouds temporarily covering the starry sky. This gives me faith.

Photo credit: The Milky Way Strikes, by Abdul Rahman. Under licence.

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Finding my voice

My hairdresser told me a funny thing today. She said that when she read the first blog post of mine that I emailed to her, her jaw dropped. She couldn’t believe that I had so much to say. That I wrote so well. It made me laugh out loud. She went on to say that she was so shocked that I, the girl she knew so be so guarded and quiet, clearly held a LOT inside of me.

Whilst I found all of this quite comical, it really got me thinking. A lot. (I am an expert over-thinker.) I generally describe myself as fairly shy (I’m very uncomfortable at parties unless I am the hostess, more so if I’m amongst strangers, and I’m hesitant to introduce myself to a stranger or start a conversation). This might make some of my friends laugh, because they know me as pretty loud (well if not loud, definitely not quiet) and pretty happy to be the centre of attention. I’m not scared of public speaking, even though I can get a little nervous. So I’m a bit of a contradiction, a mixed bag. But the kind of communication that is the most important and satisfying to me – the D&Ms, discussing matters of spirituality, life, purpose … this is where I have traditionally struggled the most. These topics that I hold so dear and find so fascinating … why would I struggle with them? I’ve had one or two friends in my lifetime with whom I’ve been able to talk about these topics. Those chats fill me up, nourish my soul, make me feel connected and cosy. Then there are people who I think would be fabulous candidates for sharing these kinds of discussions with – for example, my hairdresser – and yet I’m guarded, stuck for words, inhibited, and feel as though maybe I don’t have as many valid ideas to contribute to the conversation as the other person. Or … they might judge me (there’s a doozy!). Then, there’s writing … I’ve been so humbled and honoured by the praise that my select handful of friends with whom I’ve shared my blog, have given me for my writing. It is dawning on me that … I AM A WRITER. Who would have thought?! I haven’t done a lot of writing in recent years, but composing and publishing blog posts, as few as there have been so far, has been SO satisfying. I love getting my message recorded in words, reviewing it and editing it, over and over, to ensure that I’m crystal clear in communicating it exactly as I intend. Heck, I’ve been so blocked with conversation in the past that I’ve been known to write letters to my husband, so that I know he gets my entire message, without missed details, or getting sidetracked, or using ineffective language, or even chickening out from telling him everything – at least if I hand him a note, I can squirm with embarrassment, but I can’t hide and cut the conversation short.

So, the conclusion I’m drawing from all this: when I feel vulnerable, I’m blocked in my communication. Big time. A perfect example: I haven’t shared my blog with my husband yet. It feels like a side of me that he’s unfamiliar with. I don’t expect he will dislike it … it’s just that I feel so vulnerable about something that is so ME, my vehicle for speaking my truth in the world, a side of me that he perhaps doesn’t know or understand, and he is probably my most important critic.

So whilst writing can be an effective means of communication, it can also be a wall to hide behind. It’s safe writing here from the safety of the computer keyboard, or the pen on the paper. They don’t judge. I don’t feel nearly so vulnerable. I’m certainly not suggesting that writing is a bad thing – it has its place (and here is one of them!). But obviously it lacks a certain intimacy that a conversation has. A palpable connection that you make with the person with whom you speak to. When I hand my husband a letter, he receives the message that I want to give him, but we both miss out on the intimacies of a face-to-face conversation, where so much more is communicated.

It’s no coincidence that this contemplation about my voice is coming up right now. In the two weeks prior to Christmas, I undertook training on chakra five as part of a course I am enrolled in. Chakra five, the throat chakra, is all about communication, self expression, and speaking your truth. The course work involved learning all the theory about the chakra and how the health of your chakra five affects your life, as well as working on clearing energetic blockages in this chakra and strengthening it. Needless to say, I’ve discovered some quite significant blockages in my chakra five, which go right back to my childhood. The substantial work that I’ve done to clear these blockages has led me to, amongst other things, get back here on the blog, and start sharing my words, my thoughts, my ideas, my voice. I still have a long way to go with my one-on-one D&Ms, but in the meantime, please consider my little patch of cyberspace as a place where we can share a virtual D&M. I feel certain that the better I get at using my voice here, where I feel so comfortable, the stronger my chakra five will grow, and my personal conversations will progress naturally.

MANTRAS & DREAMS

I’ve done A LOT of intense spiritual practice over the past month or so. My studies and practices with chakras have taken me to places way beyond anything I could have imagined. I’m blown away by how calm, centred, and positive I am about where I am right now, and where I’m headed. My energy is, without any shadow of a doubt, changing – for the better! Sometimes I need to remind myself of how far I’ve come in these few short months.

I want to share with you some guidance I’ve received that has made every day a great day since receiving it. These guiding words have become my mantra, and they bring me comfort and peace, every single day:

Surrender.
I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, and my journey gives me everything I need to learn and grow. I trust the entire process. The Universe delivers everything I ask for, and more.

It seems so simple. And it is. I’m in such an awesome place right now. Life isn’t “perfect”, and yet it is – I trust that I’m on the right path and heading towards my dream life, and most importantly, my soul purpose. This makes me so SO excited for 2015 – it’s already the best year ever. No new years resolutions for me. Instead, I’ve become crystal clear on how I want to feel, right now, and I use these core desired feelings to inform every decision I make, every day. I desire to feel:

Exhilarated
Nourished
Ease

My coursework has also seen me get clear on my dream perfect life, which was also informed by my desired feelings. I won’t go into the details here, but if you’re the curious type, you can check out my dreams at http://dreamdrop.be/dream/201/rachael.

I am so full of gratitude to be exactly where I stand, here and now.

2015: BRING IT ON.

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Lying by accident

I noticed something kind of embarrassing this evening. I was recalling a conversation I had with my friend this morning, during which I told her that we’re moving house this coming week. I said something along the lines of “So everything’s a bit crazy at the moment!” Something about her response made me hesitate for a moment in continuing the conversation down the same track, and I slightly tweaked the trajectory of where my subject matter was heading, turning eventually to discuss things in a somewhat more positive light. I’m not certain of exactly what it was that she said or did that made me do this, and I can’t make assumptions about what she was actually thinking, but it was just something I sensed, that she perhaps thought I was being dramatic, or overly negative, or just a bit strange. Thinking back about it this evening, I remember another friend having a very similar response when we were discussing the exact same topic. I then thought about all the other people I’ve had the same conversation with over the past week or so. Something about every single one of those conversations just felt … off.

I realised tonight why they felt off. Truth be told, I don’t feel like “everything’s a bit crazy at the moment!” Things are actually ok. Despite having a lot of packing to do, whilst running a household, amongst the usual routines around kinder and playgroup and the usual kid-related shenanigans, and a husband who has “done his back” – things are fine. I’ve been packing when I can, sorting bits and pieces out here and there, and not getting in a flap about it.

So, why have I been telling everyone that things are crazy? For starters, I can tend to be a drama queen at times, so telling everyone that things are fine and on track wouldn’t get me the attention that a drama queen craves. But tonight, my epiphany has shed light on the deeper reason as to why I’ve been telling everyone I’m so stressed out.

I’ve changed.

If I had been in this position 12 months ago, or probably even 3 months ago, I would likely be stressing out big time. I would be freaking out about how much I need to do, with not enough time to do it, and not enough help. I’d be fretting and worrying, worrying and fretting.

Instead, I’ve hardly been thinking about the work ahead of me. My husband and I have talked about what needs to be done, and then I’ve done it when I can. On a few occasions when I’ve thought that I should be packing in the evenings, I’ve decided that a better idea would be to go to bed, or meditate, or do something enjoyable, so that I’m feelings refreshed and energized the following day, and hence able to do more.

It hadn’t consciously occurred to me until this evening that this is how I’ve been approaching this task. It’s just how I’ve begun rolling. And yet, when I talk about it with my friends, I’ve been telling them about how it would have been, in the past! My habits and actions have unconsciously changed, and my conscious mind hadn’t caught up! No wonder my negative chatter about the stressful move felt off!

So, this is good news. Great news, in fact. Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments of stress and overwhelm, but they’re few and far between. This is actually amazing, and the reality of it is only just hitting me now, as I write this instead of packing boxes.

So, you may be wondering, what do I put this fan-bloody-tastic turnaround down to? A few things:

1. My commitment to self care
In my last post, I wrote about the importance of prioritising self care. I’ve done A LOT of inner work on this area since writing that post. The truth is, I understood and believed the concept at a deep level, but I was still struggling to put it into practice. My inner work led me to a crucial realisation – I couldn’t prioritise self care, when I wasn’t practicing self love. This topic on it’s own is worthy of a separate blog post, but for now I can simply say that I’ve delved deep in this area over the past weeks, and I’ve made massive progress. Hooray! So suddenly, when I experience true self love, the act of prioritising self care comes naturally. So, when I have the option of packing boxes at 11pm or meditating before snuggling in to bed for an early night, it’s really a no brainer. I’ve become very conscious of making choices based on whether they will have a healthy outcome for me.

2. My yoga practice
I resumed a regular yoga practice approximately 15 months ago, and I can say for sure that it has turned my life around. There are times when I forget the importance of my practice, and then there are times when it hits me just how much I am nourished by it, and the hundreds of ways in which my life is so much better for being a yogini. Physically, my practice gives my body movement and space, and this translates into my mind. When I stop practicing, both my mind and my body become constricted, tight, and prone to pain. I lack clarity on the specifics of exactly why and how yoga helps me, but I don’t care – I just know that with yoga, life works better.

3. My meditation practice
A regular meditation practice has been a very recent introduction to my daily routine. I’ve dabbled before, but this is the first time I’ve been committed, consistent, and enthusiastic about it. I have been using a guided chakra cleanse meditation audio by Belinda Davidson. I find using an audio makes it much easier to concentrate and stay present. The effects of my practice so far have been subtle but profound. I attribute my ability to “not freak out”, to staying present, which has been helped by my meditation practice.

4. Improving my energy
In September, I enrolled in Belinda Davidson’s School of the Modern Mystic. Sounds pretty strange, but the premise of Belinda’s teachings is actually very logical. In order to change your life, you must first change your energy. This comes down to quantum physics, a fascinating subject, which I have a very (very!) limited understanding of, but at it’s core, everything in the universe is made of energy. So, to change something, you need to change the energy. School of the Modern Mystic teaches, amongst other things, how to change your energy (the Chakra Cleanse Meditation mentioned above is the primary way to do this). I’m currently at the end of week 9 of the course, and it’s been AMAZING. My energy is shifting, and there is so much I could write about this, but for now, I’ll just say that the turnaround I’ve experienced all
comes down to this. My energy is what has enabled me to experience true self love. My energy is what allows me to honour my commitment to my yoga practice and my meditation practice – in the past, I’ve been a world class self-saboteur. I’ve so much more to learn, but I can honestly say that I’ve never felt so grateful about where I’m at in life, or so confidently positive and excited about where I’m headed in life.

I’m changing my energy. I’m changing my life.

Image credit: pinnochio by jesiehart, used under license.

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