Hi, I’m Rachael. I’m chuffed that you found your way to my little slice of cyber space, and that you’re curious enough to want to check it out.
I live in outer-suburban Melbourne with my husband and two primary school aged kidlets. I created this site as a blog back in 2014. I had very little direction, but a belief that writing and sharing would help me feel like I was making some sort of progress in wading through the mess inside my head. I also hoped that perhaps others would find some benefit in reading it.
Some of what I’ve published over the years, especially on this “About” page, has made me cringe when I’ve looked back at it. I’ve always wanted to be authentic and interesting and real, just like “they” say you should – that would make me a decent and likeable person, wouldn’t it? … ha! Most of my blogs have measured up, and some have been pretty raw. But when it comes to this page, where I’ve got to articulate who I am and what I and this site are about … I’ve failed miserably. Who am I anyway? And if you really knew, I thought, there’s no way you’d like me. So I tried to make it appealing. It wasn’t. Just pretentious.
So, for me to give you a genuine insight into who I am, and what this website is about, it’s going to take some depth.
I’m a seeker, fumbling awkwardly through life, trying so hard to work out how to do it “right”. For a long time, I mostly felt like I was failing, and I wondered, with anger and frustration, why I was so clueless when so many others seemed to have found the magic answers and seemingly had their shit together. Did I just suck at life?
I’ve believed for a long time that I’m meant to do something important with my life, something that will have a positive impact in some significant way, and leave me with a feeling of satisfaction and “job well done” on my deathbed. But I regularly second-guessed this belief, and wondered whether I just had my head in the clouds. Then there were the times that I laughed critically at these grandiose and narcicistic aspirations, given that everyday life often seemed to be such a challenge for me.
I remember coming across an article before I had children, which really stuck with me. The article was about parenting, and the author had a conversation with someone whose line of work saw him regularly inside people’s homes where he was able to observe family dynamics. His view, based on his observations, was that the best thing a parent can do for their kids is to get their own shit together. I thought it was a good argument, and decided I’d better tie up all the loose ends in my mental health before it was time to get pregnant. And, I’m embarrassed to admit, when my husband and I decided it was time, I really thought I’d wrapped it all up – I had my shit nicely together, thank you very much. Hahahahahahahahahahaha …
I won’t go into the mental health ups and downs of the past 9+ years here, but suffice it to say, I now understand that this gentleman wasn’t being literal, and perhaps “having your shit together” should be considered more of a sliding scale than an end goal. And I’ve spent a fair amount of time down the not-so-great end of that scale.
I don’t want to give the impression that it’s been all bad – I haven’t been a complete disaster! And honestly, watching my kids grow has been a beautiful confirmation that I am (we are – hubby has an equal part to play in this!) doing a pretty good job. They’re great, curious, fun, interested, thoughtful, loving kids, and others often share that they see these attributes in them too. But having kids has birthed in me a desire to be a good role model. I want them to know how awesome life can be, and how amazing and powerful they are. And in wanting this, I’m aware enough to understand that if I know it’s possible for them, then the truth is that despite all my insecurities, hang ups, and self-perceived inadequacies, it’s possible for me too. And it’s my responsibility to demonstrate this to them.
So I guess you could say that the journey of parenting pretty much forces me to get over myself. It motivates me to keep putting one foot in front of the other as I continue to fumble awkwardly through all the not knowing.
These days, I’m growing into a space of putting less pressure on myself. I’m learning to let go, and to focus on simply enjoying the ride. I trust that if I concentrate on what truly makes me feel good (which does not exclude a consideration of others), I will naturally find alignment with that aspect of myself that is connected to Source – my soul – and this will inevitably lead to a life of purpose and posititive contribution. Life is so much lighter this way, has much more flow, and new possibilities and opportunities continue to present themselves.
The thing is, I continue to learn (and forget, and relearn…) that we are all inherently worthy. We are not obligated to do anything, to achieve anything, to find and live our purpose. We don’t have to measure up to any pre-conceived standard of goodness, morality, or worthiness. Essentially, nothing we do or do not do makes us good or bad – it is only our judgement that determines us to be so. This can be a difficult concept to swallow, but I believe it is the ultimate truth. That doesn’t mean that I condone causing harm to people and planet. I believe that if we all focused on feeling good – in a wholistic sense, which isn’t just immediate grafitifcation but takes into consideration consequences, including how our actions affect others and how that in turn makes us feel – then the world would be healed of all its problems.
Whilst getting to this point has involved lots of searching, study, practice, ups and downs, mistakes, and consistent effort, it’s incredible how quickly things can shift and open up to the light when you change your perspective, attitude, and energy.
Along my path of continually seeking answers, I’ve found myself delving into spirituality, energy medicine, and many aspects of wholistic and functional health and wellbeing, and all the ways in which they might help me to untangle some of the messes of my mind. It turns out life has been just fine all along – it’s the mind that determines how we perceive that life experience. I’ve come a long way. My blog is somewhat of a chronicle of these explorations, and this site in its entirety is designed to share with you the tools that I’ve found helpful along the way.
The most significant thing I’ve learned throughout this process is this: life intended for us to thrive. Yet, we’ve fallen so far out of sync with how life intended us to live, that as a species, we’re hurting so deeply that it’s destroying us. You can read more about that realisation here.
It is my intention to share with you the ways in which I am moving towards living more closely aligned with what life intended.
If you too are seeking answers, may this space inspire, guide and support you to traverse your own path towards thriving.