Hi, I’m Rachael. I’m chuffed that you found your way to my little slice of cyber space, and that you’re curious enough to want to check it out.
I live in outer-suburban Melbourne with my husband and two kidlets. I created this site as a blog back in 2014. I had very little direction, but a belief that writing and sharing would help me feel like I was making some sort of progress in wading through the mess inside my head. I also hoped that perhaps others would find some benefit in reading it.
Some of what I’ve published over the years, especially on this “About” page, has made me cringe when I’ve looked back at it. I’ve always wanted to be authentic and interesting and real, just like “they” say you should – that would make me a decent and likeable person, wouldn’t it? … ha! Most of my blogs have measured up, and some have been pretty raw. But when it comes to this page, where I’ve got to articulate who I am and what I and this site are about … I’ve failed miserably. Who am I anyway? And if you really knew, I thought, there’s no way you’d like me. So I tried to make it appealing. It wasn’t. Just pretentious.
I’m a seeker, fumbling awkwardly through life, trying so hard to work out how to do it right. I’ve mostly felt like I’m constantly failing, and I’ve wondered, with anger and frustration, why I’m so clueless when so many others seem to have found the magic answers and seemingly have their shit together. Do I just suck at life?
I’ve believed for a long time that I’m meant to do something important with my life, something that will have a positive impact in some significant way, and leave me with a feeling of satisfaction and “job well done” on my deathbed (as well as enjoying myself along the way!). But I regularly second-guess this belief, and wonder whether I’ve just got my head in the clouds. Then there are the times that I laugh critically at these grandiose aspirations, given that everyday life often seems to be such a challenge for me.
I remember coming across an article before I had children, which really stuck with me. The article was about parenting, and the author had a conversation with someone whose line of work saw him regularly inside people’s homes where he was able to observe family dynamics. His view, based on his observations, was that the best thing a parent can do for their kids is to get their own shit together. I thought it was a good argument, and decided I’d better tie up all the loose ends in my mental health before it was time to get pregnant. And, I’m embarrassed to admit, when my husband and I decided it was time, I really thought I’d wrapped it all up – I had my shit nicely together, thank you very much. Hahahahahahahahahahaha …
I won’t go into the mental health ups and downs of the past 9+ years here, but suffice it to say, I now understand that this gentleman wasn’t being literal, and perhaps having your shit together should be considered more of a scale than an end goal. And I’ve spent a fair amount of time down the not-so-great end of that scale.
I don’t want to give the impression that it’s all bad – I’m not a complete disaster! And honestly, watching my kids grow has been a beautiful confirmation that I’m (we’re – hubby has an equal part to play in this!) doing a pretty good job. They’re great, curious, fun, interested, thoughtful, loving kids, and we regularly receive compliments on how well behaved they are (even if it is a different story behind closed doors 😉 ). But having kids has birthed in me a desire to be a good role model. I want them to know how awesome life can be, and how amazing and powerful they are. And in wanting this, I’m aware enough to understand that if I know it’s possible for them, then the truth is that despite all my insecurities, hang ups, and self-perceived inadequacies, it’s possible for me too. And it’s my responsibility to demonstrate this to them.
So I guess you could say that the journey of parenting pretty much forces me to get over myself. It motivates me to keep putting one foot in front of the other as I continue to fumble awkwardly through all the not knowing.
As I’ve pushed on, continually seeking those elusive answers, I’ve found myself delving into spirituality, energy medicine, and many aspects of health, and all the ways in which they might help me to untangle some of the messes of my mind. My blog is somewhat of a chronicle of these explorations, and this site in its entirety is designed to share with you the tools that I’ve found helpful along the way.
May this space bring some light into your world as you traverse your own journey.