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20/20 Vision: Contagious Ascension

A vision for what remains of 2020 and beyond

He was just days old.  Our beautiful new baby boy, swaddled and sleeping soundly in his crib whilst I relaxed in my hospital bed, blissfully reverent of the miracle of nature (and a little smug despite the lingering pain and discomfort) in the afterglow of having birthed my 10lbs babe through my marvellous body.  I was also revelling in the restful lack of nagging responsibilities facing my husband and I, that would otherwise be filling our minds if we were at home, not being fed and tended to.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, the silence was broken with an unexpected, seemingly misplaced, divinely adorable sound.  Stunned and confused, my head whipped in the direction of my baby, then my jaw dropped in amazement; my newborn boy was doing the seemingly impossible: asleep, and obviously dreaming, he was emitting a fit of giggles.  Giggles!  Those sweet baby giggles that melt your heart in the way only the laughter of a small child can.  It lasted only a few seconds, but there was absolutely no mistaking it.  My husband and I were in a state of delighted astonishment, realising our bundle of joy had just expressed he was exactly that – joyful.  It’s a precious memory that warms my heart in the most profound way, knowing my baby boy was, from the very beginning of his earthly journey, beyond all logically understood capacity, joyful in his beingness.


Back at home a week or so later, I retrieved the borrowed name book from the bookcase. Given we’d chosen our baby’s name simply because we liked it, it occurred to me to look up the meaning before returning the book to its owner.  I flicked through the pages, until I found it:

Isaac: from the Hebrew name Yitzchaq, meaning “he will laugh, he will rejoice”1.


This remarkable tale makes me both smile and awe at the mysteries of life.  I love that I have such a wondrous anecdote to share, guaranteed to amaze and delight.  But more than that, I love how this experience is such undeniable – to my mind – evidence of the mystical nature of how the Universe/God/Source/Higher Power communicates with us, if we’re open to receiving. I can see how easily such an occurrence – a newborn living up to his given name in such an improbable manner – could be written off as mere coincidence or fluke, how it couldn’t be scientifically validated as meaningful.  No doubt there’s someone out there willing to burst my bubble and give me a logical explanation of why it wasn’t actually legitimate laughter or true expression.  And yet something of its incredibility, synchronicity, and mystery appeals to a deeper part of me; it fascinates me, and feels sacred and significantly meaningful, and in its way it imprinted the healing my relationship with my beautiful boy brings me every day.

A few years after this experience, I learned about the concept of “nominative determinism” from Rebecca Campbell, who describes the phenomenon as “when people’s names fit their calling or purpose in life, like little clues from the heavens.”2  It reminded me of the experience with my son, and the idea appealed to me enormously, so I began investigating the meaning behind my own names.

Rachael (given name): Hebrew for ewe, a female sheep3.

Louise (middle name): Feminine form of the French Louis, from the Latin Ludovicus, from the German Ludwig (composed of the elements “hlud” meaning famous and “wig” meaning war or battle), from the Germanic Chlodovech; Louise means famous female warrior.4  A warrior is defined as a person engaged or experienced in warfare, or alternately a person who shows great vigour, courage or aggressiveness.5  Courage is defined as the quality of bravery that enables a person to face difficulty without fear.6  It’s derived from Middle English corage, from Anglo-French curage, equivalent to coer meaning heart, from the Latin cor7; this etymology explains an earlier definition of courage: the heart as the source of emotion.8

Barker (maiden surname): An English occupational name for a tanner, derived from the Middle English bark(en), referring to someone who converts animal hide to leather using the bark of trees as a tanning agent.9  Tanning involves a process which permanently alters the protein structure of skin, making it more durable and less susceptible to decomposition, also possibly colouring it.10, 11  Another (informal) definition of the word tan is to thrash or whip.12 Barker is also an English occupational name for a shepherd.13

Stella (married surname): Italian (derived from Latin) for star.14  Dictionary definitions of star describe self-luminous celestial bodies, visible in the clear night sky as fixed, twinkling points of light.15

At the time, I didn’t have the insight to decipher and apply these meanings thoroughly, but my basic attempt was I used to be a follower (sheep), and as I matured I rebelled (warrior) and began to forge my own path toward the light (star).  And all along the way, as regularly corroborated by the many people who told me “You’re so hard on yourself!”, I was adept at giving myself a darned thorough mental flogging (tanning).

Whilst I’ve long appreciated symbolism and hidden meaning, and deep thinking has always come naturally, my spiritual path has allowed me to develop a capacity to decipher the messages available in virtually anything I perceive.  I recognise I can utilise my intuition as a guide in discerning meaning, from amongst endless possibilities, that resonates with truth for me.

Reviewing the meaning and etymology of my names, with the increased insight time and experience have gifted me, I have a renewed take on my nominative determinism:

Rachael: In the early years of my life I followed the crowd, not quite fitting in but desperate to be just like everyone else.  I was terrified of my weird uniqueness being exposed, believing it to be shameful, and so I denied and endeavoured to hide it.  I attempted to blend in like a sheep in the flock, in the best way I knew how, hoping desperately it would offer protection from my mortifying strangeness being revealed.  My efforts felt excruciatingly in vain; my peculiar physical appearance regularly drew notice and comment, I felt like I didn’t know how to behave and conform to social norms, and I had a confusingly conflicting yet uncontrollable urge to put myself within the centre of attention.

Louise: As I learn and evolve, I’m becoming a warrior; my strength and courage is in forging the self-acceptance to come out of hiding and speak my mind by telling all of my heart.  I increasingly recognise my need to be seen is a valid and valuable aspect of my purpose as I use my voice, distinct from the urge to be in the spotlight that was a manifestation of denying and suppressing my need.  I’ve found my flock where I feel I truly belong, whilst concurrently owning my uniqueness as part of my power.

Barker: In the beginning, my (Barker) family of origin shepherded me in my sheep-like ways. They also gave me the gift of experiences that served to thicken my skin, and coloured much of my perception of life through familial conditioning and loving.  I used to psychologically self-flagellate, but as I spiritually and emotionally evolve I gradually depart from the habit, as I have relinquished the use of my maiden name and increasingly identified with my married surname.

Stella: I have grown to recognise my inherent divinity.  In doing so, I radiate my inner light that then guides others as they navigate their way through the dark to discovering they too possess the same divine light within themselves.


This stuff is utterly fascinating to me.  It’s not a precise science, but rather a playful intuitive exploration, and the interpretations derived are variable and dependent on the interpreter.  I could have elucidated from the meaning of Louise I’m a fighter, destined for warfare.  But that didn’t resonate; I reject the notion of taking sides, and I don’t even believe in fighting “the good fight.”  Instead I looked deeper and sought a meaning that did resonate.  The definition of star included “a hot gaseous mass that radiates energy” – that could be interpreted in a most unflattering light, so I chose not to take that onboard!  Whilst I’ve relinquished the use and much of the symbolism of my maiden name, that doesn’t mean all other Barkers are doomed in their nominative determinism – there are positive interpretations available, relevant to the uniqueness of the individual.

The point is, we all make sense of our own individual experience of life from our own one-of-a-kind perspective.  The internal stories we create through our various perceptions give meaning to, colour and inform our experience of life.  As author Andrew Holecek describes so succinctly, perception is creation.15


As I’ve grappled with the challenges borne of the global events these past weeks, I’ve yearned for relief from the uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions triggered with regularity. Whilst traversing the lows of the emotional roller coaster, a part of me is desperate to get off the unpleasant ride and move on.  And yet another part of me knows the roller coaster can’t be avoided, and there is meaning to be derived from my emotions, worthy of being understood and acknowledged rather than eliminated in a rushed attempt to alleviate my suffering.

During a recent dip, I recognised I was secured in my roller coaster seat and unable to get off mid-ride, so I would be better served by accepting what was.  I decided to sit with my emotions and observe what they were and what was triggering them.  I wrote it all out, for completeness and clarity.  I pondered the symbolism.  What did each emotion represent?  How could I honour the inherent meaning?  Each emotion was about something deeper than what appeared on the surface.  Anger was about asserting moral superiority in order to feel virtuous. Grief was about resisting what is.  Anguish was about fear of the unknown.

Giving my emotions this space and permission to be, rather than judging and resisting them, gradually reduced their potency.  Understanding their meaning made them feel valid and acceptable, even if not necessarily helpful, and therefore less painful to feel.  Sweet relief.

It was only then I was truly ready to transcend my negativity and suffering, and transmute it into healing.

I recognised we’re all living within an internally created story of the global situation.  An illustration of this point came to me in the form of this video,17 a coronavirus themed parody of the well-known children’s story book “Where is the Green Sheep?” by Mem Fox.  From what I’ve observed via social media comments, it seems there are two main interpretations of this story (though there are no doubt more).  To some, it’s a cute representation of our current experience of life amidst the pandemic, the green sheep representing the hero scientists, hidden away in their labs developing the vaccine that will end the crisis.  To others, it symbolises a sheep-like mentality of the masses who are seeking a saviour.  Same story, different interpretations.  People often don’t realise there is more than one way to interpret a story; with blinkers on, they only see the version that aligns with their views.  I’m fairly certain even the makers of this video didn’t perceive the subtext they’d created, hidden in plain sight.

I love to be precise with my words; the dictionary and thesaurus are my friends, etymology intrigues me, and I’ll gleefully be magniloquent18 if I feel it’s justified!  Also, as is no doubt obvious, analogy and symbolism turn me on, they are my language.  I don’t even care I’m guilty of mixing my metaphors, I love the magic they conjure through painting a clearer picture of the essence of what I’m attempting to convey.  Whilst we don’t necessarily think of them as such, words are, in fact, symbols used to transmit meaning.  A word is a meaningful group of symbols (letters and corresponding sounds) that represents a thing or concept, and learning language is learning to decode the meaning inherent within these groups of symbols.

Inspired by other thoughts on the symbolism of the global situation,19,20 it occurred to me I could create my own more positive story from my personal perspective.  I could redefine how I perceive this whole state of affairs and create a new positive vision and narrative that would serve me.  I could apply my own brand of nominative determinism to coronavirus.21

Please note: in no way do I intend, through this reframing, to disregard or downplay the tragedy of each individual death, the grief of loved ones left behind, the challenges faced by those suffering with severe cases, the commitment, efforts and caring of the healthcare workers, or the suffering of the multitudes of humans who have been affected in a variety of ways by this entire situation.  There are fellow human beings experiencing utter devastation as a result of coronavirus, and my heart aches for them. I acknowledge my suffering barely even begins to approach that which others have experienced, and I am incredibly grateful for my blessings and the privileged circumstances I find myself in. One person’s suffering doesn’t discount another’s; I honour all experiences, and I look towards the light from which these shadows have been cast, as a means of healing all suffering.

Corona: Derived from the Latin, corōna, meaning garland or crown.  In anatomy, the word describes the crownlike upper portion of a body part or structure, such as the top of the head.  Corona is also used to describe a crownlike appendage.  Other dictionary definitions describe a corona as a circle (or set of concentric circles) of light around a luminous body, a halo, or a luminous ring around a celestial body such as the sun.22

Virus: Derived from the Latin, vīrus, meaning slime or poison.  A virus is an ultramicroscopic infectious agent, not considered to be a living thing in the conventional sense.  Virus is also defined as a corrupting influence, including on morals or intellect.  In computer science, it’s a self-replicating program that damages or shuts down computer operations, systems or networks.23

So, what is coronavirus from my newly defined perspective?

The corona definitions bring to my mind the crown chakra – the seventh centre of the body’s energy field, located at the crown of the head, perceived by those who see energy as a luminous circle or sphere of violet light.  As such, I’m choosing to see coronavirus as contagious ascension.  It’s a global healing occurring through a corrupting influence on the morals (or lack thereof) and intellect that are at the root of the self-destruction of humanity. This influence is driven by ascension into the crown chakra where one connects with inherent divinity and oneness.  With every individual who claims this evolution, the resultant ripple effect is the infection of others through the higher vibrations being generated, healing all and shutting down the outdated and destructive paradigms now rendered obsolete as we experience this new way of being.

That’s a contagion I welcome with open arms.


So why does this matter?  What relevance does my personal perspective, intentionally chosen, have for the lived reality of what is playing out in the world?

Before I begin to answer that question, I think it’s important to consider who’s asking it.  I imagine you fall into one of three categories:

  1. You’re nodding your head in eager agreement as you read my words, because you and I are like-minded, and that’s what drew you here in the first place.  You’re fully onboard with redefining your perception of 2020 and coronavirus (if you haven’t already), and you recognise the hidden, deeper and more profound impact of conscious intentionality.  You already know why this matters.
  2. You catch my drift, and you think it’s a cute idea, but you’re not certain this is quite the sort of thing that floats your boat.  You’re open to pondering it for a bit, and you’ll consider giving it a whirl, but you’re not fully committed and there’s a good chance you’ll forget about the whole concept after a while.
  3. You’re not entirely sure how or why you made it this far through reading, because this woman who identifies simultaneously as a sheep, a warrior and a star is a bit too woo-woo for your liking. You dwell in reality, and this redefinition business sounds like crazy talk.

Given you’ve come this far, don’t let any differences between you and I put you off.  My intention is to offer you something of value that makes meaningful sense in your world.  Your new story doesn’t need to be as flowery or esoteric as mine.  I’ll attempt to clarify the idea as logically as I possibly can, with real life examples of how the concept plays out in everyday life.

There are multiple realities

When we look at the world, we believe what we see is unquestionable evidence of reality. Ponder then, what we see is a function of the design of our organs of sight; our eyes. Other animals, with differently designed eyes, have different sight perception to humans; when looking at the same thing, what they see is a different reality to what we see.24  Additionally, various imaging technologies can show us what we cannot perceive with the naked eye. Therefore, it’s incredibly presumptuous to assume our version of what we see with our human eyes is the only true reality.  Instead of confining ourselves to our automatic perception of what we assume is reality, we can rewrite the story of our reality by selecting an alternate way of viewing.

Visual perceptions of reality

Your perception may be incomplete

Horses are sometimes made to wear blinkers, intended to control and narrow their focus to keep them on track and prevent them from being distracted or spooked.  What they can’t see is still there, but it’s no longer part of their reality.  The fun animated short film Snack Attack25 beautifully illustrates how easily we can forget there’s potentially something we haven’t seen when our focus is narrowed, and the consequences of such, particularly in our interactions with others.  It’s always worth asking the question, “Is there something I’ve missed?”

Source unknown

There is always a different interpretation available

The law is perhaps thought of as black and white, definitive, a set of enshrined rules, clear cut contractual agreements designed to ensure certainty.  Legal experts are paid handsomely to draft painstakingly precise legal documents, the more complex ones in a highly organised fashion, with the intention of effectively eliminating any skerrick of ambiguity in meaning or potential for misinterpretation.  And yet we all know legal experts are also well paid to argue the complexities in interpreting legal matters and their loopholes, often in lengthy, drawn out cases.  This example highlights no matter how carefully we attempt to approximate perfection in communicating meaning, there is always potential for an alternate interpretation.

Which story is worth choosing?

You might be of the opinion overcast, rainy weather is unpleasant; you might even describe it as horrible.  Consider the truth that a beautiful, sunshine filled day is happening concurrently with any given moment of inclement weather, except it’s temporarily hidden from view behind the veil of clouds currently spread across the portion of the sky below which you stand.  You may well have a valid preference for sunshine, but you can recognise clouds and rain have their valuable and essential place in the cyclical nature of our environment.  You have a choice in which story you live by, and my suggestion is you consider which perception is helpful, useful, and valuable; which one makes you feel better, irrespective of external forces outside of your control?  When you feel better no matter the weather, you are better able to experience and create positivity in the world.

You can’t avoid challenges – and you wouldn’t want to

Please don’t be mistaken I’m suggesting it would be useful or helpful to ignore, deny or avoid anything that arouses discomfort or negativity within you – big or small.  Recall I sat with my uncomfortable unpleasant feelings about the current global situation, intentionally allowing myself to find a way towards accepting them before I could transcend and transmute them. 

Ponder the concept of driving from your current location to a desired destination some distance away.  Your route will likely include a mix of 2 types of roadways: larger highways and motorways where you can surge ahead towards your destination with speed, ease and few hindrances; and smaller roads and streets that require you to make slower progress as you observe speed limits and negotiate your way safely through intersections, traffic control, and past pedestrians and various landmarks.  To get to your destination, you need to traverse each type of roadway appropriately.

Similarly, in life, whatever your desired destination, you must recognise along with the free-flowing good times on that journey, there will also be times of challenge that arouse negative feelings.  Attempting to barrel through, denying and ignoring these challenges in an effort arrive at your desired destination of good times sooner, is like ignoring all the road rules and speeding through the suburban back streets at 100kph – you’re pretty well guaranteed to come to a crashing halt at some point, wreaking chaos and destruction in the process.  Avoidance of challenges can be likened to encountering an accident along your route and driving on by, hoping or assuming someone else is sorting it out because you don’t want the inconvenience of getting involved.  This sort of behaviour has implications for those you’ve avoided, as well as your conscience.

Taking the time to negotiate the slower roads will ultimately show you they hold beauty that would otherwise be unseen in the blur of motorway speeds.  Accepting challenges are a necessary and valid part of the journey, that take time to be carefully traversed, means a slower journey, but your patience will ensure you arrive at your destination in one piece, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Sometimes, road accidents are unavoidable, and we can wind up suffering injury. At these times, we can’t just get up and walk away as though nothing happened; we might need emergency medical assistance, road clean up, car repairs, time to convalesce. The necessary degree of assistance and time to recover and get back on the road varies depending on the severity of the accident. Similarly, the length of time it takes to come to acceptance of suffering in life is often a function of the degree of intensity of the emotions involved; if you’re experiencing immense or overwhelming suffering, it would be unwise to expect you could wake up tomorrow with a brand new shiny perspective, ready to move on. Patience, and willingness to seek and accept help and support is key.

Learning and practising how to appropriately traverse challenges, through the acceptance that comes with finding a way to perceive them in a positive light, provides you with a set of skills akin to having a road map that allows you to plan your journey to make best use of the freeways, enjoy the slowed scenic portions of your drive, avoid unnecessary traffic, and have an alternate route up your sleeve should an unexpected road block arise.


If you relate to 2020 as the year from hell you’d rather escape and forget, if you relate to coronavirus as a disaster and something to fear or be angry about, what does that do for your mood?  Your emotions?  Your stress levels?  Your health? How does that affect your loved ones? How does that impact your relationships? How does that affect the way you show up in your work and communities?  Does relating in this way produce positive outcomes for you and others?  Or negative?

Everything in our experience of life is subjective.  The way we perceive our individual reality impacts our thinking, emotions, choices and actions in the world.  These all have ripple effects, influencing – whether directly or indirectly – all that is.  When we perceive our world from an empowering and positive perspective, our thinking, emotions, choices and actions are positively influenced.  If we live in anxiety, anger or fear of coronavirus, we spread anxiety, anger and fear. If we live in trust and faith there are opportunities available within our chosen perspective of coronavirus, we spread trust and faith and opportunities.  It’s a deceptively small step with mammoth long reach implications.

Andrew Holecek puts it eloquently:

“We are not the […] helpless, hapless victims of the world.  We are the victims of our projections, our imputations, our hopes and fears, what we bring to that world … We can transfer that power back to ourselves, and realise that we are in fact the ones that create these versions of our hardship.”26

The circumstances of your life are not always within your control – such as with many aspects of coronavirus.  Lockdowns, mask mandates, remote learning, foiled travel plans, industry shutdowns, job loss, illness or loss of loved ones – the list goes on – these situations are largely outside of your command.  Your supreme power lies in how you choose to experience these circumstances through the lens of your perception, to then impact your response and the resulting effect.

I’ve said it before,27 and it bears repeating: opportunities for personal development, which have always been available but often go overlooked, are being thrust in our faces in 2020, as though some higher power is desperately attempting to grab our attention and initiate the next step in our evolution.  The way I see it, it’s these most extraordinary challenges we’re faced with this year that present extraordinary opportunities to evolve.

Will you see your circumstances amidst coronavirus as problems, injustices, hardships, or battles?  Or will you see them as opportunities and growth experiences?  Perhaps you will simply see them as neutral situations to make of whatever you will.  Whether you realise it or not, you’re the author of the stories of your life.  And your story impacts the larger story of the world and all that is.  It’s not about living in an imaginary fantasy land of rainbows and unicorns; it’s about crafting a vision, grounded in acceptance of what is, that sets the stage for positive, aligned action.

As Eckhart Tolle says, “You are here to enable the divine purpose of the Universe to unfold. That is how important you are.”28  The story you are writing for your life is the story of the Universe. That might sound intimidating – no pressure! – but the simplicity is you have complete creative license.  Realise it’s as simple as a change in perspective, and all you need to do is turn to face the light.

I for one intend to hold firm in my vision of contagious ascension, guiding me forward in my actions.  I trust as I do so, global healing is becoming the pandemic that shifts the world into alignment.


Recommended Reading & Listening

  • As mentioned above and per the footnotes:
    >>> Andrew Holocek: Perception is Creation: Discovering Emptiness
    >>> The Coronation by Charles Eisenstein
    >>> The Truth Virus by Kim Anami
  • Anything by Dr Zach Bush MD – I’ve listened to a number of recent podcast interviews with him which have lit me up in the most beautiful way. He has the ability to logically, clearly and passionately explain the current devastation and self-destruction of humanity, whilst concurrently imparting tremendous hope by way of the path forward being enlightened by the lessons of our mistakes. His qualified perspective is heartening. Find his statement on coronavirus here.
  • For a positive perspective on how to proactively care for yourself and your family at this time, Professor Marc Cohen (Dr Marc) has written a peer reviewed academic paper and was interviewed on the Evolve podcast with Pete Evans in a great discussion with just the right mix of woo-woo, science, and practical solutions.
  • Dr. Edith Ubuntu Chan: A Trillion Points of Light (E50) on A New and Ancient Story: The Podcast with Charles Eisenstein. A beautiful and fascinating discussion, covering altered experiences of reality, stories and perceptions of coronavirus and more.
    >>>”We live in a time now where … it sure is confusing if you look at the world outside of you and you only listen to one narrative, one perspective, and you only go into intellectual analysis and don’t listen to your heart, or only go into your emotional or intuitive states and don’t listen to logic, this is a time now where we are being challenged to integrate all those dimensions.”
  • Amy Lansky: Synchronicity and the Impossible (E02) on A New and Ancient Story: The Podcast with Charles Eisenstein. This interview took place in 2015, but it’s SO pertinent to the current global situation. It includes discussion on synchronicity, perceptions within science and openness to paradigm changes, expanding your view of reality, conspiracy and more.
    >>> “I don’t think of these other realms as nebulous or metaphorical, I think they’re just deeper forms of science that we just don’t know about yet.”
    >>> “There isn’t an objective reality out there … the basic elements of reality are not hard physical Newtonian objects but are themselves stories, narratives… there are no facts, there are only stories.”
    >>> “Things aren’t as bleak as they seem… synchronicity is just a different form of causality at a higher level or a deeper level of reality, and so the world is more mysterious than we think, which should give us hope … we don’t have to follow the prescriptions that everybody is telling us.”
  • The Power of Myth — The Hero’s Adventure with Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers (#456) on The Tim Ferriss Show (transcript available here). A fascinating conversation about how myth and story can be a model for life.
    >>> “JOSEPH CAMPBELL: You see, this thing up here, this consciousness, thinks it’s running the shop. It’s a secondary organ; it’s a secondary organ of a total human being, and it must not put itself in control. It must submit and serve the humanity of the body.
    (Clip from “Star Wars”)
    DARTH VADER: Join me, and I will complete your training.
    JOSEPH CAMPBELL: When it does put itself in control, you get this Vader, the man who’s gone over to the intellectual side.
    (Clip from “Star Wars”)
    LUKE SKYWALKER: I’ll never join you!
    DARTH VADER: If you only knew the power of the dark side.
    JOSEPH CAMPBELL: He isn’t thinking, or living in terms of humanity, he’s living in terms of a system. And this is the threat to our lives; we all face it, we all operate in our society in relation to a system. Now, is the system going to eat you up and relieve you of your humanity, or are you going to be able to use the system to human purposes?”
  • This interview with Robin Wall Kimmera on the On Being podcast with Krista Tippett (transcript available) has a profound message about our perspectives on and connection with nature (note we are nature, as are viruses). The discussion is both scientific and magical, and covers the way in which language influences our relationship with the natural world.
    >>> “Science polishes the gift of seeing, indigenous traditions work with gifts of listening and language … What I mean when I say that “science polishes the gift of seeing” brings us to an intense kind of attention that science allows us to bring to the natural world, and that kind of attention also includes ways of seeing, quite literally, through other lenses — that we might have the hand lens, the magnifying glass in our hands that allows us to look at that moss with an acuity that the human eye doesn’t have so we see more. The microscope that lets us see the gorgeous architecture by which it’s put together, the scientific instrumentation in the laboratory that would allow us to look at the miraculous way that water interacts with cellulose, let’s say. That’s what I mean by “science polishes our ability to see” — it extends our eyes into other realms. But we’re, in many cases, looking at the surface. And by the surface, I mean the material being alone.
    But in indigenous ways of knowing, we say that we know a thing when we know it not only with our physical senses, with our intellect, but also when we engage our intuitive ways of knowing, of emotional knowledge and spiritual knowledge. And that’s really what I mean by listening. By seeing that traditional knowledge engages us in listening. And what is the story that that being might share with us if we know how to listen as well as we know how to see?”
    >>> “Tippett: Another point that is implied in how you talk about us acknowledging the animacy of plants is that whenever we use the language of “it,” whatever we’re talking about — well, let’s say this. We don’t call anything we love and want to protect and would work to protect “it.” That language distances us.
    Kimmerer: It certainly does. And the language of “it,” which distances, disrespects, and objectifies, I can’t help but think is at the root of a worldview that allows us to exploit nature.”
    >>> “In a way, we’ve been captured by a worldview of dominion that does not serve our species well in the long term, and, moreover, it doesn’t serve all the other beings in creation well at all.
    So we are attempting a mid-course correction here. And I think that it’s really important to recognize, that for most of human history, I think the evidence suggests that we have lived well and in balance with the living world. And it’s, to my way of thinking, almost an eyeblink of time in human history that we have had a truly adversarial relationship with nature.”

Footnotes & References

  1. https://www.behindthename.com/name/isaac
  2. Campbell, R (2015) Light is the New Black, Hay House Australia Pty Ltd, p.13.
  3. https://www.behindthename.com/name/rachael
  4. https://www.behindthename.com/name/louise
  5. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/warrior
  6. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/courage
  7. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/courage
  8. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/courage
  9. https://www.ancestry.com.au/name-origin?surname=barker
  10. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/tanning
  11. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanning_(leather)
  12. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/tan
  13. https://www.ancestry.com.au/name-origin?surname=barker
  14. https://www.ancestry.com.au/name-origin?surname=stella
  15. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/star
  16. Andrew Holecek: Perception Is Creation: Discovering Emptiness, Sounds True: Insights at the Edge podcast with Tami Simon.
  17. Nash-Gilchrist, J. & I. (2020) Where is the Green Sheep Coronavirus Edition, video accessed at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx5SuUejlqY
  18. He he he – I learned a new word!  Magniloquent is defined as “speaking or expressed in a lofty or grandiose style; pompous; bombastic; boastful.” Accessed at https://www.dictionary.com/browse/magniloquent.
  19. Eisenstein, C (2020) The Coronation, accessed at https://charleseisenstein.org/essays/the-coronation/
  20. The Truth Virus, Orgasmic Enlightenment Podcast with Kim Anami.
  21. For the formal definition and etymology of coronavirus, see https://www.etymonline.com/word/coronavirus, and https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/coronavirus.
  22. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/corona
  23. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/virus
  24. See https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/how-do-other-animals-see-the-world.html and https://askabiologist.asu.edu/colors-animals-see
  25. Verastegui, E (2016) Snack Attack, accessed at https://youtu.be/38y_1EWIE9I.
  26. Andrew Holecek: Perception Is Creation: Discovering Emptiness, Sounds True: Insights at the Edge podcast with Tami Simon.
  27. The story of a law-abiding, confrontation-avoiding, people-pleasing approval-seeker who raged against the system, by Rachael Stella
  28. Tolle, E (2011) The Power of Now, Hachette, Australia.

Featured image by Harry Quan on Unsplash


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Ignorance is Blindness

As a layperson, I humbly recognise the limitations of my understanding of matters pertaining to science.

I recognise the value in collaborating with a trusted qualified medical professional who can guide me and make recommendations for my health.

And:

I am steadfast in my belief that being a layperson provides an opportunity to learn more.

I am steadfast in my belief that I am well served by educating myself to the best of my ability, so that I can make the most informed choices possible for myself.

I am steadfast in my belief that I am well served by asking questions of external authorities on matters pertaining to my personal health and medical choices.

I am steadfast in exercising my right, enshrined in law, to give informed consent – or not – to any medical treatment or procedure that my health provider suggests or recommends.

I am steadfast in accepting personal responsibility for all of my choices, including the choices that, with hindsight, I would choose differently.

I am steadfast in valuing and honouring my autonomy over my personal health and medical choices.

I am steadfast in my belief that ultimately, I am the authority on what is best for me.

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In support of all the irresponsible, uncaring, selfish, ignorant, stupid idiot, conspiracy theorist, crackpot, tin foil hat wearing dissidents.

So … the headline is somewhat tongue in cheek.  To be more specific, I’m writing in support of all those who are labelled as such (whether explicitly or implied), based on their opinions about the current global situation, which they have formed based on what they consider to be rational, discerning, considered reasoning. Particularly, the people who deeply care. The people who have spent hours consuming vast swathes of information, trying to make sense of it all. The people who want to know and do what is “right”.  The people who fit all these descriptions, and yet are being attacked and condemned for their views, or who keep their views hidden out of fear, because they don’t align with the left-wing phrase of the moment: “the mainstream narrative”.

Let me be clear that the point of this piece is not to argue my case, even though my stance is at least partially obvious. I’ve grappled with urges to rant and rave on social media, but I’ve held back. Partly because I’m scared of the backlash it’s likely to spark (confrontation and argument is something I tend to avoid), partly because I can acknowledge that I could be “wrong” or change my mind, partly because I don’t have all the answers, and partly because I can observe that such an urge is more about an egoic desire to assert my opinions, gain reassurance from those in agreement, convince everyone else of my rightness and their wrongness, and generally feel validated and right. A futile and worthless pursuit.

The point is to highlight that we seem to be demonstrating an unwillingness to peacefully respect views that differ from our own on the current situation. The point is to invite you to consider communicating with dignity, kindness, and respect with your fellow human beings, especially about the current global events. The point is to acknowledge that a dissenting viewpoint does not automatically equate with callousness, immorality, or ignorance.

It’s natural that emotions are intensified given the scale of this situation, and given what is perceived to be at stake. As such, it can be expected that people are impassioned in their views. And yet, it is within each of us to be capable of at least considering another’s perspective. 

We each have our unique experiences, circumstances, culture, upbringing, and a multitude of other factors, that colour how we think and feel about every conceivable aspect of our lives. What is of prime value to one person, isn’t necessarily so for the next. 

I’ll illustrate with my own example of what influences a proportion of my stance. 

The current mandates in Melbourne go against virtually everything I’ve been outgrowing and shedding for over 10 years. I’ve learned to mistrust the standard western medicine paradigm regarding health and chronic disease (with its focus on medicating symptoms rather than determining and treating the cause of disease and facilitating health)(side note: I do value western medicine when it comes to emergency care); I’ve learned that pharmaceuticals can be helpful and sometimes lifesaving, but always come with a price; I’ve learned not to be subservient or entrust my health to any outside authority (but instead to take empowered responsibility for my own health and well-being, and when necessary, utilise the support of a likeminded practitioner with whom I’ve developed a sense of trust); I’ve learned that my body doesn’t ever fail me (but is inherently geared towards self healing); I’ve learned not to ignore my intuition (and that it is constantly communicating with me); I’ve learned that lack of physical connection is devastatingly detrimental (and that connection heals); I’ve learned to let go of fear (and instead chose love). These have been deep and hard learned lessons, and so to have distancing and isolation and masks and fear and a vaccine as a desperately awaited saviour imposed upon us feels so excruciatingly and viscerally WRONG. I simply do not live in a paradigm where these actions make any sense whatsoever. And yet I’m aware that my paradigm is so foreign to the mainstream that to voice this painful perception will, based on what I’ve observed amongst media, influencers, friends and family, likely result in condemnation. The most hurtful judgement voiced regularly is that my views equate with devaluation of the lives of high-risk individuals.  

It’s worth mentioning that this isn’t a one-sided fight – there are plenty of dissidents in this situation who are just as guilty of judging and shaming their “opponents”, seemingly determined to bring them down. However, it seems, from my perspective, it is the dissidents who are overwhelmingly vilified. 

Robust discussion and sharing of views is a healthy part of life. Learning that universal agreement and approval is a fantasy, is part of growing up. But the mark of maturity is in learning to respectfully disagree.

“United we stand, divided we fall.” I suspect many of us have misunderstood  this motto. It’s not possible for us all to be united in our beliefs and opinions, but that doesn’t doom us. We can be united in our acceptance of such differences.  The division that will fell us comes from the harsh, uncompromising, vitriolic, violent judgement of each other. I know that for me personally, I can accept – albeit with some difficulty – the decisions of the government so far, even though I don’t like or agree with them. I also recognise the importance of drawing a line, of holding authority to ethical standards, and taking action when human rights, civil liberties and other critical societal matters are at risk of being violated. It might seem unrealistically utopian, and clearly this is a complex situation, but there is a way to come together despite our differences. At least, as a start, we can do our part as individuals to treat our fellow humans with dignity, respect, and kindness. 

So, to all the conscious, responsible, caring, curious, questioning, widely read, discerning, rational, informed, intelligent, free thinkers … 

I see you. 
I hear you. 
I feel you. 
I love you. 

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Everything is Perfect

Beautiful girl, it’s ok. Really. Everything is just fine, and nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is perfect. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. And any which way you go will be the perfect way, too. 

You haven’t failed, expectations are worthless, and you don’t need to do anything. Really, not anything. You are worthy as you are, simply because you are. You don’t have to earn your worthiness; it’s inherent. And you don’t owe anyone anything. Not anyone, not anything. Nothing at all. 

It’s ok to relax. It’s safe to trust the process. Your journey will give you everything you need to learn and grow.

And that journey, it has no destination. There’s nowhere to arrive. It’s all simply an experience. An experience filled with both light and dark. It helps to remember that the dark can always be transmuted by the light. 

You are perfect, whole and complete, right here, right now, as you are. You are so loved. Unconditionally. And nothing can change any of that. 

You are already playing your role – perfectly – in enabling the divine purpose of the Universe to unfold.  It’s incredible and breathtakingly beautiful. And it’s impossible to mess up.

Let go. Breathe. Everything is perfect. 

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What’s going well in your life?

During a recent kinesiology session, my kinesiologist asked me to share about what is going well in my life right now. I faltered, and struggled to come up with much, apart from some aspects of my parenting that I’ve been working to improve.

I’ve been reflecting on the conversation, because it bothered me that my perspective has been so negative, that I’ve been thinking that there’s something “not good enough” about just about every aspect of my life. This tends to happen when I don’t keep up my gratitude practice, or when my meditation practice falters, or any number of other reasons. I recognised that when I focus on the positive, I feel better, so I decided to write a list of all that is going well in my life. I’m pleased to say that I almost filled the page. 

I was also reflecting on all the things that I’ve been thinking aren’t going well/aren’t good enough, and thought it might be helpful to shift my approach and write a list of “what I want to improve in my life”.  As it turned out, that list was actually much shorter, less than half a page. Writing it out helped me to realise that I’d been catastrophising. 

I also realised that a lot of what I wrote, in both lists, matched a bigger list I wrote 2 months ago, of all my desires. I realised that many of my desires have actually manifested, and for the ones that haven’t, it’s much more helpful to focus on desiring them and how good their manifestation will feel, than to lament that they’re not yet my reality, which only serves to propel me onto a downward trajectory. 

It seems to be a recurring theme for me (ahem, I suspect I’m not the only one!) that I cycle through phases of feeling good about where I’m at, and feeling not so good about where I’m at.  I’m realising with greater clarity that the circumstances don’t need to change for me to feel good about where I’m at, but rather it’s a matter of focus. It can be a conscious choice, rather than a result of what’s happening externally in my life. 

I’m becoming much clearer about what I truly desire, what’s working for me, what’s not working for me, and how I’m willing to invest my time and energy. I’m learning to let go of outdated and unhelpful standards that I set for myself in the past regarding what success means and looks like to me. I’m learning, slowly, to let go of basing how I feel about where I’m at in my life, on how I think other people are judging me about where I’m at. It hasn’t been easy to let go of that one – it’s a work in progress. I’m so aware that a life filled with choices based on the opinions of others is not a happy life. And I’m aware that even if I make choices for myself, constant angst about what others think about my choices is not a happy way to live either. Awareness and understanding do not necessarily equal integration … to be continued!

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Exhibitionist in hiding

I’m noticing, with curiosity and (my best attempt at) non-judgement, that I’m in a strange place at the moment.

These past few months have seen my health improve dramatically, after a really challenging period, in response to committed effort with the help and support of my health practitioners and family. This is such a joyful relief.

As I’ve improved physically, mentally and emotionally, I’ve become inspired to write and share again, after what felt like a long period of hibernation. It feels so good.

And yet, there’s a part of me that is holding back.

I am learning to accept and embrace that I love putting myself out there and sharing. And with my words and imagery, that is so joyful and satisfying. But it’s also safe, because I can hide behind my screen to achieve this. But there is a part of me that yearns to share more – more intimately, more of me. I don’t want to hide, I want to express myself.

There have been instances where I’ve contemplated sharing a photo or video of myself. Nothing outrageous, just more me.

But the contemplation doesn’t last long. I’m experiencing a period of self-consciousness & my self-confidence is shot, because it seems that the final frustrating and baffling hurdle of my health journey is stubbornly plastered across my face for the world to see. Painful cystic acne that has returned with a vengeance, rosacea, and eye problems that refuse to be hidden under makeup. It all got too much today, and I felt sore and sorry for myself, and the tears flowed.

I’m not fishing for sympathy or reassurance (or advice!). Reassurance is useless when you don’t believe it for yourself. And I trust that there’s a lesson for me in this experience, and that working through it myself, with selective support, will bring me to a place of acceptance and healing.

I’m sharing for the reason I always do – sharing about my experiences is part of who I am, it feels good, and it might serve someone who is reading.

It’s interesting to observe how this has rattled me. I take pride in my appearance, and like to look my best, but I didn’t consider myself to be vain or overly concerned with my looks. And yet, this experience has demonstrated that when my perception of my appearance falls so far short of what I believe to be an acceptable standard, it affects me in so many ways. How I show up in public. How I feel about socialising with friends and family. How I panic when a loved one moves to kiss me on the cheek. How much I avoid interacting with strangers. What my inner voice says when I look in the mirror. And how I hide as much as possible.

There was a point when I thought that the best thing for me to do would be to overcome this self-consciousness by feeling the fear and doing it anyway – selfies, videos, just rip off the bandaid and get over it. But on reflection, I don’t think that’s what I need, I don’t think it would be helpful, and it’s just not where I’m at. Vulnerability can be a beautiful thing, but it needs to be held in a container of trust. It’s self preservation to know the difference between baring your soul in a trusting relationship compared with the local gossip. And putting my face online right now would feel like giving the town gossip flyers to hand out to everyone with the headline “Doesn’t she look hideousl!”

I’ll come out of my shell and grow my visibility when I’m good & ready. It’s healthy to acknowledge that I don’t possess the trust required to so yet. And it’s ok to be gentle with myself. I make the rules.

In the meantime, I’ll keep sharing from the heart, from behind the screen, in the way that feels good. 😘


Image by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

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Do you modulate your light?

I’ve been recognising a pattern in myself lately, that I teased out in a kinesiology session with my miracle-worker Sarah from Ignite Kinesiology (note: I do acknowledge that our sessions are actually a collaboration 😊) .  

I’ve been a people pleaser, I’m an introvert (some would scoff, but it’s truth!), and I often experience (mild) social anxiety. The truth is, on some level, I’m kinda scared of people (or more accurately, the power I give others to determine my self worth is scary). I’ve recognised lately that the combined energy of these traits has me modulate the way I interact with people, in an attempt to accomodate their energy, and therefore avoid being negatively judged. 

A simple example is when I’m taking my morning walk.  A while back, I decided to be brave and to greet passers by, something that felt like an uncomfortable stretch. The friendliness/volume/energy of my “hello” to passers-by will depend on how I assess their energy – Do they look friendly? Are they likely to reply? Will they think I’m a weirdo? … I’ll offer a hearty greeting to the person with a big smile and a jaunty step, I’ll be brave enough to mumble a “Morning” to the quiet-looking person minding their own business, and I’ll keep my mouth shut if someone looks grumpy or judgemental.

I acknowledge the importance of situational energy assessment and behaviour modulation in relating with others. But I think there’s a line to be drawn between appropriately managing/negotiating an interaction, and dimming your light. 

It’s so easy to shine your brightest when you feel confident in being well received. When another person is on the same page, likes you, supports you, and openly demonstrates all this, you feel held and encouraged to be your best. 

It’s not so easy to bring your best self to a situation if your ego feels threatened or vulnerable. If someone doesn’t like you, is focused on their own problems, or holds strong opinions in opposition to your own, there’s a good chance that your ego will take a battering if you share yourself in all of your fullness. 

But what has become more apparent to me recently, is that when I allow my egoic protection mechanisms to modulate how brightly I shine my light, a beautiful opportunity is missed. 

What if, I took a chance, recognising that an ego slam isn’t death, and opened my heart, despite the fear?  

I could be laughed at. 

I could be ignored. 

I could have to engage in an uncomfortable conversation. 

Unpleasant experiences perhaps, but not the end of the world. 

Or …

I could brighten someone’s day. 

I could remind someone to smile. 

I could make someone feel good. 

I could re-ignite the light in another. 

I’ve been avoiding these opportunities, allowing my ego to dictate my actions. Survival mechanisms are hard-wired, and it takes a willingness and conscious effort to move beyond them. 

But as I clarify my desired energy, experiences, interactions and impact in this lifetime, I can recognise that letting my ego steer the ship doesn’t support any of that. Engaging with others from a higher perspective – a soul perspective – is what will. As Sarah helped me to realise, when I’m embodying my desired energy, people receive my light, and this is the driver of my possibility. 

So I’ll start with my morning walk. And I’ll continue experimenting. 

How about you? Do you modulate your light?

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LIFE INTENDED

Thoughts: What am I doing? What do I want to do? What is my purpose? Motherhood isn’t my be all and end all, I know there is more. I try stuff, but it doesn’t quite feel right. I get excited about stuff, but I eventually lose my enthusiasm. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been floundering with this for ever.  I think I’m destined to live, stuck in this limbo of “not knowing”, for the rest of my life. I’m a failure. Always have been. Always will be.

Feelings: Frustration. Annoyance. Despair. Shame. Resignation.

Thoughts: Hold on. Practice presence. Observe the thoughts. They’re not the truth. They’re not me, because I’m the one observing them.


Frustrations climaxed as I struggled with my ego one again.  When I finally began to quiet my mind and go within last week, this 2 word phrase  – LIFE INTENDED – came to me. Since then, it has continued to flutter into my awareness, seemingly wanting to make itself known.  Something about it feels so right, but it’s taken some reflection to tease out exactly what this phrase is about for me.

My life experiences, especially since becoming a mother, and even more significantly over the past 12 months, have ignited a rage within me. A rage about the fact that we, as a species, have fallen so out of sync with what LIFE INTENDED, and that this is hurting us deeply, even destroying us. I want to share with you (a non-exhaustive list of) what is enraging me.


In our modern society, we (mostly mothers) raise our children largely in isolation, brewing stress, emotional disharmony, mental illness (particularly post-natal depression), and overall ill health. So many of us believe that if we’re not attending to everyone’s needs, maintaining our home, contributing to the household income, keeping up a social life, looking hot, and following our dreams, we aren’t doing it right. We even believe that if we’re not super busy and stressed and exhausted, we must be lazy.

We live in climate controlled, airtight (even energy efficiency has its down side) homes and workplaces, cut off from the nature of which we are a part.

We eat chemically-laden, highly processed foods that our ancestors wouldn’t even recognise, that mess with the intricate and perfect physiological design of our masterpiece bodies, causing imbalance and ill health. Even if we eat what most would consider a “healthy” diet filled with real food (fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts, meats, seafood etc.), if it’s conventionally farmed, it’s still hurting us thanks to all the chemical pesticides, herbicides, fungicides, antibiotics and more that are considered essential for modern farming practices.

We sit and stare at screens, often for hours at a time, straining our eyesight, destroying our posture, and addicting ourselves to passive digital entertainment, social media, and the dopamine rush of “follows” and “likes”.

We expose ourselves to artificial light, messing with our circadian rhythms, our hormones, our ability to get the quality sleep that our bodies need.

We expose ourselves to thousands of chemicals via air pollution, transportation, off-gassing from furniture and household fixtures and fittings, cleaning products, personal care products, air fresheners, medications and more, again messing with our physiology.

We visit doctors, expecting pills to cure our ills, creating side effects and failing to address what caused the issue in the first place.

We consume media, believing the hype, forgetting to question the source, the purpose, the money trail.

We have ravaged our environment: polluting seas and lands, decimating forests, triggering mass extinctions, slaughtering fertile lands, depleting natural resources and instigating catastrophic climate change.

We put our heads in the sand, because it’s all too hard – someone else will deal with it. Or we seek all of the answers outside of ourselves, having long forgotten the access we have to eternal wisdom within us. We’ve lost our way.

This was never what LIFE INTENDED.

Sometimes, I yearn to escape this madness, to get off the grid and back to nature to reconnect with that which LIFE INTENDED. To live how LIFE INTENDED us to live. Don’t scoff – I’m as attached to my modern conveniences as the next person, but a part of me knows that this way of life comes as a tremendous, devastating price.  And so I fantasise.

The rage has bubbled up within me again this year as I’ve suffered the consequences of living out of sync with what LIFE INTENDED. Multiple hormonal imbalances. Depression. Anxiety. Overwhelm. Brain fog. Memory and word recall problems. Addictive behaviours. A crippling lack of self-esteem. Disconnection. And more – all of the cascading set of symptoms that essentially stem from the same source: not living as LIFE INTENDED.

These consequences – this was never what LIFE INTENDED.

So, what was it that LIFE INTENDED for us?

To live in harmony with nature, because that is what we are.

To be in community (in person, not just online). To raise our families with abundant support. To rest when we’re tired. To spend most of our time outdoors. To eat from nature’s bounty. To move our bodies every day. To rise with the sun and sleep when it sets. To utilise nature’s gifts. To value and care for our environment. To be attuned to our own intuition, our connection with Source.

I know that I’m not off my rocker in recognising this. I do appreciate many of the modern marvels and gifts of our ingenuity, the advances that we’ve made in medicine, technology, science and more. I’m not suggesting that we throw this all away to live as the animals do. But I believe, with all of my heart, that we desperately need to find balance, back toward what LIFE INTENDED.

Changing our ways, globally, is a dauntingly massive task, but the ache in my heart knows that it’s vital. The rage within is a gift, communicating the urgency and importance of such an undertaking.

I don’t want to focus on the problem. It was necessary that it to be brought to my attention, so that I could crystallise what it is that I’m aiming to achieve. And now, I know.

It’s time to focus on living as LIFE INTENDED.  It’s what I’ve been trying to work my way towards, without having specifically identified it as such.  But all the research, reading, podcast listening, documentary watching, meditating, diet changes, lifestyle changes, habit changes, purchasing changes … everything has been geared towards this: supporting myself and my family to live closer to the way LIFE INTENDED.  The purpose I’ve been searching for has been weaving it’s way into my life for years now.  It’s not something else “out there”.  It’s here, what I’m already doing, for me and my family.

If you’re so inclined, I’d love to support you to do the same.



Main image by Johannes Plenio from Pixabay

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Raising the bar

I was diagnosed with “post-partum thyroiditis” after the birth of my first baby. I didn’t know anything about the condition at the time, and the medical explanations provided by my carers may as well have been in Chinese, but I was put on medication to address my symptoms, told it may eventually self-correct, and also told by more than one person that it wasn’t a big deal. And that was how I related to all this – not a big deal, and effectively dealt with.

After almost 9 years, I’m coming to realise some home truths about thyroid disease, and they way in which this health complication has affected me.

A few years into my diagnosis, I began taking a more proactive approach to my health. This was at the prompting of my Mum, who had begun her own research into her diagnosis of Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, an auto-immune condition that renders the thyroid gland unable to effectively do its job of producing thyroid hormones to service every cell of the body. I began reading and researching, and learning what I could do to improve my health and prevent progression of the condition. I made some significant dietary changes which made a difference and greatly improved my blood test results. I wanted to be sure that I was doing everything I could, so I took my newfound knowledge to my GP, but as she openly explained, she didn’t have the training to know what to do with any of the suggested testing. After some time, I sought the help of a naturopath who was able to give me some further support, but in the end I didn’t achieve the sort of progress I was seeking.

Four years on, I was fed up with being on a medication that none of my healthcare practitioners seemed to want to help me get off. As time has gone on, and I’ve continued researching, I’ve learned that there are many people that have put their thyroid conditions into remission. I’ve also discovered the longer term serious health implications of not addressing this issue at the root cause. And more alarmingly, I’ve come to realise that so many of the symptoms that I have put up with and accepted as part of Mum-life or as a personal failing, are likely due to being under-medicated as well as stemming from deeper root causes.

After what feels like a very long time, I’ve finally begun working with a wholistic integrative GP who has a much better understanding as to the workings of thyroid disfunction. After 2 consultations and one set of testing, we’ve already uncovered a few key issues that may well be at the root of my thyroid related symptoms.

What does all this have to do with me being absent from the online space these past months? Whilst I won’t bore you with all the many and varied symptoms, there are some key ones that I have been challenged with this year, that have made it difficult to be here. Namely:

  • Fatigue, exhaustion, lack of energy;
  • Mood swings, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, irritability, despair;
  • Brain fog, forgetfulness, confusion.

I’m not sharing my challenges in a bid for sympathy. Rather I want to offer you the courtesy of an explanation, as well as be open about my challenges which I am well aware affect SO MANY others in our society, but which we feel too embarrassed or ashamed to speak about. I tend to be a pretty open book, but when it comes to issues around mental and emotional health or our ability to cope with day to day life, even I can feel awkward in speaking openly and honestly. Truth be told, I find it easier to share in a forum like this to get the conversation started.

The thing is, awareness and acceptance of mental illness has come a long way with all the various campaigns encouraging us to open up, seek help, or ask each other “R U OK?” But the thing that I feel I must express in this instance, given my experiences, is that there is so much more to this issue that we really need to address. Here’s why:

  • I spent a period of time a few years back on anti-depressant medication, which I now know may have been better addressed by more adequate treatment of my thyroid disfunction. This is not to say that anti-depressants are never indicated, but that in my case, they acted as a band aid solution with unpleasant side effects both when taking them and when coming off them. How many of us are medicated for the symptom, rather than the cause?
  • Your medical professional does not necessarily have all the answers. I spent hundreds of dollars seeking the advice of a medical specialist that I assumed (without a thought!) had all the knowledge to properly treat me. As it turns out, this endocrinologist didn’t test some of the basic markers that could have better addressed my condition – my GP did more comprehensive testing. This is not a criticism of medical professionals in general (I believe mine cared and were doing the best they knew how with the knowledge they had), or a suggestion that you should not consult the relevant medical professional for your health concerns – it is simply to say that they DON’T NECESSARILY have ALL the answers, and we need to be responsible and proactive in our own healthcare.
  • The embarrassment or shame that so many of us still feel when suffering from these issues can prevent us from taking responsibility and further action and advocating for ourselves. It took me a long time to work up the courage to seek the help of a naturopath, and when that didn’t work out, an additional 4 years to prioritise my health enough to seek out and invest in an integrative GP. Despite knowing logically that I needed to do this, the insidiousness of mental health related issues left me feeling unworthy, feeling like my difficulties were self-induced, and I was unable to consistently hold the conviction that I needed to seek better help. Also, my lack of mental clarity had me constantly questioning and second guessing myself and what I’ve learnt through my research.
  • In addition and related to the last point, it infuriates me that so many of us hold such low standards for what it means to be well. As a mum of young kids, it anguishes me that so many mums believe that feeling vital, energetic, glowing, and fantastic is too much to ask or unrealistic. We seem to be soaked in this depressing consensus that to be a mum means to feel constantly exhausted, to prioritise everyone and everything else above our own wellbeing, that taking excellent care of ourselves is an indulgent luxury (that is sometimes shamed when it is witnessed), and that a respectable and decent mother and/or member of society must get over herself when she’s feeling not-so-great and soldier on. I am not immune – I found it so easy to passionately promote the supreme importance of self care, yet putting those beliefs into action has proven to be a confronting challenge, and one that I continue to face.  I recently heard someone speaking on the topic of self care, and they made a point which really hit home to me. She commented that we so often hear the self-care metaphor about the oxygen mask in an air emergency: fit your own mask before helping others.  Whilst taking the advice of this metaphor seems a wise and sensible move, there is a subtle problem with it – we only need the oxygen mask in an emergency.  So many of us wait until disaster, when there is no other option than to prioritise ourselves, reducing the guilt or fear of judgement and criticism.  The truth is, we’d be so much better off tending to our own needs as a priority before the #@$% hits the fan.  If we truly prioritised our wellbeing, we’d effectively avoid getting to the point of emergency through neglect.

I am ok.  I am not gravely ill, and I finally feel confident that I’m moving in the right direction towards better health even though I understand that the path forward may not be smooth sailing. Time will tell whether I need the help and support of additional health care professionals, but I know that if need be, they are out there and I can seek them out to guide and support me on my journey towards true wellbeing.

I don’t have all the answers to the issues that I’ve raised, but the urge to start the conversation has felt increasingly important these past few weeks. My hope is that this at least gets you thinking about your own life and your own wellbeing, and if need be, it prompts you to raise your standards, become proactive, and seek further help.


Thyroid Disfunction and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.

It has been said that as much as 28% of our population is afflicted with thyroid disfunction – that’s more than a ¼ of the population – and so often it goes undiagnosed or undertreated. The symptoms are many and varied, can be debilitating, and can lead to the development of additional auto-immune conditions. For more information, I suggest checking out the work of Dr Izabella Wentz here.

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Weaving webs of consciousness

My heart aches.  A dull and persistent ache.  I feel it distinctly, physically, and yet I know, with a quiet confidence, that it is not from some physical pathology.  It’s an energetic, emotional ache.  I’m well practised, as I believe so many of us are, at ignoring it.  At getting on with things, relegating it down to the bottom of the list of priorities, because life is “busy”.  From time to time I notice it and acknowledge it.  When I get still and quiet, there is space for it to be felt and acknowledged.  I question where it comes from.  At times it builds to a seemingly “out-of-the-blue” and unexplainable fit of anxiety.  I do my best to squash it, to make it go away.  But it doesn’t.  It stays.  Waiting for me to listen to its message.


The morning was cold and foggy.  After the rigmarole of school drop off, I rugged up and headed out for my morning walk, looking forward to moving my body in the crisp cool air.  Not long after reaching the wetlands, a 2 minute walk from my front door, I was greeted with spider webs.  Hundreds and hundreds of dew-drop covered spider webs covering almost every tree, bush and plant along my trail.  Web covered branches reminded me of fairy floss sticks, wrapped in the gauzy layers of spiders silk.  Single strands stretched loosely from bush to bush.  Spectacular orb webs were to be found here and there, and every corner of every railing was decorated in patterns of strung pearls.  The spiders had spent a very productive night.

 

Whilst I marvelled at the beauty of their creations, it struck me that the Spider, one of my Soul Essences, hadn’t occupied my thoughts in quite some time.  Always seeking to understand the communications of the Universe, I wondered “Is she speaking to me now through this marvellous display?”  Surely she must be; it seemed so blatantly obvious that she was pulling out all the stops to garner my attention with such an extravagant exhibition laid out before me on my path where it would be virtually impossible to ignore.  Whilst I’m always seeking to understand the messages of the Universe, there are plenty of times when I succumb to downplaying or dismissing them out of laziness or doubt.  It can be easier to ignore them, feign ignorance, or justify their meaninglessness, allowing me to sit in my familiar comfort zone and go on pretending that I don’t know what I need to do rather than having to get uncomfortable taking new and unfamiliar action.  Not today – she was in my face, staring me down, almost daring me to ignore the voice of my soul.

The messages and symbology of my Spider are many and varied, and I have a tendency to psychoanalyse them til the cows come home, which is really not the way that soul communication works.  But putting aside the intricacies of who she is in my life, today her message was loud and clear: Slow down.  Take note.  Go within.  Listen.  The answers are within.  Your effect on the world is determined by your consciousness.

I’ve been hearing these whispers the past few months, but they’ve been quiet enough that I’ve managed to override them with reasoning that seems so sensible that it’s been easy to follow: You’ve got work to do, you don’t have time to slow down.  You can get to that later.  You’re building a new business.  And you love it, you’re committed to it, it’s in alignment with your desires and values and visions, you have a purpose now, so you’ve got to get on with it!  Action action action!  Just do all the things first, then you can get back to the business of soul alignment.

Ha.  You’d think I would have learnt that lesson by now.  It turns out old habits die hard, especially when they’re upheld by societal trends and norms.  And what has the outcome been for me?  Anxiety.  Unnecessary stress.  Lack of flow.  Anguish.  Despair.  The pain in my heart.

As I began more deeply exploring the spiritual path a few years ago, I thought that the answers to my yearning for a purpose-driven life would be neatly spelt out for me with step by step instructions handed to me by my soul.  In hindsight, it’s no surprise that I struggled with that soul journey, and have as yet been unable to complete it, given how ego driven it was.  Because here’s the thing: the soul’s journey operates in a completely different paradigm to the ego’s desires.

Purpose is not necessarily a fixed task.  A God-given mission does not necessarily align with modern ideals of a stellar career and financial “success”, however you define that.  And whilst it is perfectly possibly to create these successes in alignment with your divine purpose, I’m coming to realise that much of my soul searching and yearning has in fact been an ego driven desire for significance, recognition, specialness and worthiness.  I’m quite certain I’m not alone in that.

My Spider was reminding me that consciousness is the only way forward.  The quality of my consciousness impacts my experience of life, impacts those I interact with, impacts the world, indeed the Universe.  My heart chakra pain had a message for me, and I needed to face it square on, acknowledge it, feel it, accept its presence, and bring the full light of my consciousness to it, for it to be transmuted.  Continuing to avoid the pain would have prolonged it and made it worse as it grews in an effort to make itself heard.  My body, my soul, the Universe, were all telling me that I was off course, because the truth of my desire is that I want to weave webs of consciousness that will positively impact the Universe.


So many of us are disconnected.  From our bodies, our environments, each other, our souls, the Universe.  Our culture does not support a way of being in which we can tune in and connect and be guided towards healing and deep satisfaction.  We are so heavily scheduled, rushed, pressured, and distracted that we become disconnected and disengaged.  It strikes me that so many of us are so disconnected that we don’t even notice our pain.  It blends into the background.  We don’t realise how sick we are or how unwell we feel, until it grows to a point where it’s impossible to ignore: disease, severe pain, catastrophic life events.  We don’t realise that our bodies, our souls, the Universe, are constantly in communication with us, offering warning signals that we’re heading down an unfavourable path and that we’d be wise to course correct.  We’ve forgotten how to receive and interpret that communication.  We’re too distracted and focused on externalities to hear the quiet whispers.  We have bought into the modern mantra of busy-ness, constantly doing and striving.  We don’t even realise that we could feel so much better than we do, we aren’t even aware that we’ve accepted that feeling pretty crap is just how life is.  So many of us are deaf and blind to what is possible, how good it can be.  We don’t take action to improve things or even acknowledge what isn’t working, until we reach breaking point and crisis hits.

We’ve forgotten that:

  • We are inherently lovable, loved, and worthy, without needing to earn it.
  • We are of God/the Universe, therefore all the answers we seek are within.
  • Working and striving and seeking won’t bring answers. Getting still, quiet, and going within will.

This doesn’t mean that we should all sit around navel gazing and twiddling our thumbs.  What it does mean is that when our minds and our lives are overflowing with chaos and confusion and endless distraction, it’s an act of courage and commitment (and ultimately, productivity) to consciously slow down and turn inward.  If we are to live lives of meaning and contribution and fulfilment and divine purpose, the action that achieves that must be fuelled by connection to our divinity, which is found by going within.  It cannot come from a sense of duty or obligation or pressure derived from external sources.  Soul alignment doesn’t happen through blindly following societal norms, or even forcing yourself to conform to someone else’s idea of conscious living.

So give yourself a break.  Stop pushing so hard.  Take a stand for your life and your legacy and opt out of the disconnection.  Become aware of the unending impulse to be numbed out with mindless entertainment via ever-available devices and their social media rabbit holes designed to lure and capture us with distraction and quasi-connection.  Remove the overwork, over-scheduling, overwhelm and busy-ness from the pedestal that society seems to have placed it on – it has no place there whatsoever, and it’s killing us.  I dare you to slow down, get quiet, and listen.  Listen to your body, feel its sensations.  Notice your thoughts.  Cultivate an ability to cut through the thoughts so that you may hear the voice of your soul.  And discover a life worth living.

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