Living your purpose isn’t about doing or achieving. It’s not about living up to some ideal. Living your purpose is about being yourself, the fullest essence of who you are, you at your most authentic when you strip away the conditioning and programming that has led you to pretend to be someone you’re not.
We try to fit purpose into a specific career, job, business, or a certain level of perceived success, but that’s not what it’s about. And yet, when you’re embodying your truth, you may well find yourself working a job or building a career or business that aligns with your purpose, because when you’re embodying your truth, everything inevitably falls into alignment. When you prioritise authenticity, you’re not willing to spend your time doing something that doesn’t feel right. But purpose is so much more than a job title or your work in the world.
Purpose is deep. Whilst we might summarise our purpose in one paragraph or one word or one aspect of our Human Design, each of those single elements has a ocean of meaning for us to dive into and explore. And ultimately, no one else can tell us our purpose; we can only be guided towards where we will discover and learn to embody it for ourselves. This is what Human Design offers us; a blueprint of our energy, a map that serves as a guide to embodying our inherent truth and expressing the gift frequency of who we came here to be. Our Human Design points us towards our purpose through our Type, Strategy, Authority, Profile, Definition, Defined Centres, Undefined Centres, Incarnation Cross, Nodes, Gates, Channels, Variable … it’s incredibly nuanced, intricate, and unique. The challenge is to remember that purpose is not something to achieve, or improve or fix within ourselves; it’s who we inherently are.
I’ve spent the past month embarking on the Venus Sequence, within The Gene Keys Golden Path; another avenue for exploring purpose. This is a journey of exploring relationships, emotional wounding, and opening your heart. The Gene Keys is a system that stems from Human Design. I see it as a more yin, feminine approach, that for me is supported by the more yang, masculine approach and foundation I have established through my process with Human Design. I already incorporate The Gene Keys into my work, but I’m looking forward to expanding how I integrate it to further enrich the ways in which I serve.
The Venus Sequence begins with a contemplation of our purpose in relationships. Something I didn’t anticipate was that this contemplation would bring insights into the emotional pain I’ve experienced during the past 3 years; my Gene Key here is 7.5, which holds themes of division, guidance, virtue, victimhood and self-pity, and leadership. Contemplating division within my relationships has brought many tears, as well as the recognition that of course, there is purpose in my experience. My mind has grappled with how to transform this shadow, to realise my purpose of guidance and leadership. I can see how I’ve allowed division to keep me hiding in so many ways, trapped in my mind’s illusions of perceiving myself as a victim of division & what that means for who I can be in the world – I’ve been scared to own my gift of guidance, scared to own my clarity and how that clarity can be of service to others.
What I am beginning to recognise is that even within the division of the past 3 years, even amidst the wallowing in victimhood and self-pity, there have been glimpses of beginning to embody guidance and leadership. Even when it was sacrilege to do so, I owned my unpopular opinions. Even when it divided family, friends, community and strangers, I stuck to my deeply considered values and convictions, with the clarity that I was doing so for reasons that felt ethical, virtuous, right, and good. In the face of vilification and condemnation, I was demonstrating what it means to be true to yourself.
I didn’t realise it at the time, but throughout the height of the division, I was living an aspect of my purpose; perhaps not my higher purpose, but beginning to head in a positive direction. This is but a surface level of one example of how my purpose has shown up in my life. The point is, amidst our greatest challenges, lies our purpose. “Your purpose is designed to be unlocked by life. It calls upon you to evolve through your challenges and it emerges progressively over the course of your life as you move through breakthrough and transformation.” (Richard Rudd)
There’s a subtle distinction between trying to improve or fix or achieve our higher purpose, and embodying the higher purpose that is already within us. The shadow expression of our purpose is not something to try and eliminate, but rather to forgive and accept, such that we can unlock the gift expression. This brings us back to where we began: honouring the truth of who we are at our deepest essence.
If you’re ready to explore the depth of your purpose through the lens of Human Design (with a sprinkling of Gene Keys), I’d love to be your guide. Learn more here.
I’ve felt broken, lost, inferior, dumb and unworthy so many times.
These feelings have cascaded into frustration, confusion, despair and depression.
I’ve expended mammoth amounts of energy desperately trying to get my shit together over the years, in an attempt to overcome all of these feelings.
I’ve expended vastly more energy feeling devastated that my efforts were in vain.
My foray into Human Design is bringing me so many gifts, but perhaps the biggest so far has been a sense of revelation, validation, and relief, from learning to truly understand that what works for some, won’t work for everyone.
The science of differentiation.
www.MyBodyGraph.com
My unique Human Design has shown me:
Why I get frustrated (I am a Generator, and my strategy is to respond).
Why I get confused and lack clarity (I have 5 defined centres loudly vying to dominate my decision making; the spleen, sacral, solar plexus, head and root).
Why I need time to process information (I have triple split definition).
Why I need time to make decisions (I have emotional authority).
Why I often feel unworthy, and why I often feel the need to prove myself (I have an undefined ego).
Why I’ve felt like a failure for having experienced so many “false starts” (I have the 3/5 profile).
Why I sometimes don’t get heard, and why I sometimes don’t know when to STFU! (I have an undefined throat)
Why I’ve been so obsessed with finding my purpose, and why I’ve felt so lost and dead inside when I’ve tried to let go of that obsession (I have a defined G centre).
These words, from my Human Design chart via www.MyBodyGraph.com pierce deep into my soul:
“If you ignore what you know deep inside to be true about yourself and compromise your internal sense of direction yielding to the expectations of others, this can lead you to experience a loss of identity and futility regarding your mission in life. … Don’t let your mind make you believe you are lost or have no place or direction in life.
www,MyBodyGraph.com
Human Design is my coming home.
This exquisitely intricate, esoteric yet pragmatic system offers customised guidance on how to engage your magnificently differentiated energetic design. This allows you to find more ease, grace, and flow; life just works. It allows you to experience peace, satisfaction, success, and delight. You just feel good. And as a result, you’ll inevitably find yourself living out your life’s purpose. No need to obsessively seek it out.
I’m so freakin’ lit to be deep diving into the world of Human Design. My Human Design Reader Training Level 1 is almost complete, and I’m so excited for what’s coming next!
Image credit: Fire by Zdenko Zivkovic. Used under license.
Beautiful girl, it’s ok. Really. Everything is just fine, and nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is perfect. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. And any which way you go will be the perfect way, too.
You haven’t failed, expectations are worthless, and you don’t need to do anything. Really, not anything. You are worthy as you are, simply because you are. You don’t have to earn your worthiness; it’s inherent. And you don’t owe anyone anything. Not anyone, not anything. Nothing at all.
It’s ok to relax. It’s safe to trust the process. Your journey will give you everything you need to learn and grow.
And that journey, it has no destination. There’s nowhere to arrive. It’s all simply an experience. An experience filled with both light and dark. It helps to remember that the dark can always be transmuted by the light.
You are perfect, whole and complete, right here, right now, as you are. You are so loved. Unconditionally. And nothing can change any of that.
You are already playing your role – perfectly – in enabling the divine purpose of the Universe to unfold. It’s incredible and breathtakingly beautiful. And it’s impossible to mess up.
It is the tool through which my challenges and muddled thoughts alchemise into alignment, clarity, and wisdom.
Speaking the words doesn’t have the same effect for me – with the right person, it can be helpful to a degree, but the clarity fully crystallises only when my words are expressed in written form.
It works best when I share it. My most potent words refuse be hidden in my journal. I no longer question the urge to share – I just know it’s a given, a force that effortlessly moves through me. To not share would be a challenge – it would require effort to halt the impulse. I used to do battle with my ego, who would tell me I’m an attention seeker, a show off, an exhibitionist. But the urge always won out anyway, and the replies from those who read suggest that my sharing is of value, is meant to be.
My take on this: God is using me. The urge comes from Source. The felt impulse is God’s way of communicating with me, encouraging me to do that which is in alignment with Source energy. The love that the Universe is comprised of, wants to expand. And the more I align with the Source within me, the more the words flow.
I’m learning to own it.
That God uses me as a vehicle for the expansion of the universe makes me no more or less special than anyone else.
We are all of God, and so the intelligence of the universe flows through us all. We all have our own unique medicine and magic.
This Source of which we are all a part, is in constant communication with us, encouraging each and every one of us to embody our gifts. Even if you don’t believe you have anything special to offer, you do. There is medicine and magic within you, and it is unique to who you are.
That thing you love to do. That thing that makes you smile. That thing that lights you up. That thing that you get lost in for hours. That thing that feels like home. That thing you find yourself absentmindedly gravitating towards. That thing that comes so easily to you. That thing that takes effort and practice and persistence, but that you joyfully persist with. Perhaps even that thing that you kinda suck at, but you love so much that you revel in sucking at it.
Even if you believe that none of this is part of you’re experience … there is something. You’ve simply lost your way, forgotten. You’ve fallen out of alignment with your soul. It’s possible (and probable) that your “thing” is right in front of your nose, but you’ve fallen out of alignment to the degree that you’ve become blinded. You can’t hear the whisperings of your soul over the raging of your ego.
When you learn to find alignment with your soul, you can’t help but hear the messages that Source has been whispering to you all along. With alignment, you recognise what it is that lights you up, feels so good, and contributes to the healing of the world.
You were meant to thrive. When you feel good, that’s God’s message that you’re on track, because you’re in alignment with with Source instead of resisting God’s will.
You possess medicine and magic within you. Own it, and thrive. And in doing so, you allow God to work through you.
I’ve been recognising a pattern in myself lately, that I teased out in a kinesiology session with my miracle-worker Sarah from Ignite Kinesiology (note: I do acknowledge that our sessions are actually a collaboration 😊) .
I’ve been a people pleaser, I’m an introvert (some would scoff, but it’s truth!), and I often experience (mild) social anxiety. The truth is, on some level, I’m kinda scared of people (or more accurately, the power I give others to determine my self worth is scary). I’ve recognised lately that the combined energy of these traits has me modulate the way I interact with people, in an attempt to accomodate their energy, and therefore avoid being negatively judged.
A simple example is when I’m taking my morning walk. A while back, I decided to be brave and to greet passers by, something that felt like an uncomfortable stretch. The friendliness/volume/energy of my “hello” to passers-by will depend on how I assess their energy – Do they look friendly? Are they likely to reply? Will they think I’m a weirdo? … I’ll offer a hearty greeting to the person with a big smile and a jaunty step, I’ll be brave enough to mumble a “Morning” to the quiet-looking person minding their own business, and I’ll keep my mouth shut if someone looks grumpy or judgemental.
I acknowledge the importance of situational energy assessment and behaviour modulation in relating with others. But I think there’s a line to be drawn between appropriately managing/negotiating an interaction, and dimming your light.
It’s so easy to shine your brightest when you feel confident in being well received. When another person is on the same page, likes you, supports you, and openly demonstrates all this, you feel held and encouraged to be your best.
It’s not so easy to bring your best self to a situation if your ego feels threatened or vulnerable. If someone doesn’t like you, is focused on their own problems, or holds strong opinions in opposition to your own, there’s a good chance that your ego will take a battering if you share yourself in all of your fullness.
But what has become more apparent to me recently, is that when I allow my egoic protection mechanisms to modulate how brightly I shine my light, a beautiful opportunity is missed.
What if, I took a chance, recognising that an ego slam isn’t death, and opened my heart, despite the fear?
I could be laughed at.
I could be ignored.
I could have to engage in an uncomfortable conversation.
Unpleasant experiences perhaps, but not the end of the world.
Or …
I could brighten someone’s day.
I could remind someone to smile.
I could make someone feel good.
I could re-ignite the light in another.
I’ve been avoiding these opportunities, allowing my ego to dictate my actions. Survival mechanisms are hard-wired, and it takes a willingness and conscious effort to move beyond them.
But as I clarify my desired energy, experiences, interactions and impact in this lifetime, I can recognise that letting my ego steer the ship doesn’t support any of that. Engaging with others from a higher perspective – a soul perspective – is what will. As Sarah helped me to realise, when I’m embodying my desired energy, people receive my light, and this is the driver of my possibility.
So I’ll start with my morning walk. And I’ll continue experimenting.
For the longest time, the negative voice in
my head, that I had always thought was me, ruthlessly scolded and shamed me for
my dissatisfaction, for desiring more. And for the longest time, thinking that the
voice was me, I believed every word. And so, for the longest time, I felt so
much guilt. I thought it meant I was ungrateful for my blessings, and
undeserving of more. I felt so guilty and ashamed, that the very idea of ever
actually attempting to achieve that “more” would be immoral. And of course,
when I worked up the audacity to try anyway, subconscious self-sabotage
reigned.
But now that I know that the negative voice
isn’t me, now that I’m recognising that I can hear it and disagree with it, I’m
realising something else. I perceive bodily sensations that come along with
these thoughts, and I realise, in hindsight, that they’ve been present all
along.
My body bristles, seething in rebellion
against the restriction of denying my desires. I previously mistook the
discomfort of these feelings to be confirmation that my yearnings for better
and more were wrong and should thus be quashed. But I know now, on reflection,
that this visceral sensation is my body communicating to me that my thoughts
about my desires are out of alignment with the divine source within me.
Desires are meant to feel good. Their
purpose is to drive us to achieve or obtain something. They’re the motivation
behind virtually everything we do. Even when we’re pursuing seemingly selfless
aims, we do so because we know that doing the “right” thing will make us feel
good (or at least prevent feeling bad), and we desire to feel good and avoid
feeling bad. Desires are part of our design; they are of the divine.
Nothing is inherently good or bad, right or
wrong. It is our critical mind, with all its conditioning, that makes
judgements of right from wrong, good from bad. It is only when this judgemental
mind gets involved that we work ourselves into a mess over our desires. We load
them with meaning, heaviness, and struggle.
By all means, use the gift of your critical
thinking to assess and confirm whether a desire is truly in alignment with your
highest good. But once you’ve confirmed that it is, leave it at that. Continued
analysis is likely to be that critical voice, hijacking your desires.
Dream your dreams. Revel in your wishes. Fill your imagination with the glories of all that your heart and soul desires. Allow yourself to feel the light-hearted, deep joy that their manifestation will bring. It’s all a part of your divine purpose.
Thoughts: What am I doing? What do I want to do? What is my purpose? Motherhood isn’t my be all and end all, I know there is more. I try stuff, but it doesn’t quite feel right. I get excited about stuff, but I eventually lose my enthusiasm. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been floundering with this for ever. I think I’m destined to live, stuck in this limbo of “not knowing”, for the rest of my life. I’m a failure. Always have been. Always will be.
Thoughts: Hold on. Practice presence. Observe the thoughts. They’re not the truth. They’re not me, because I’m the one observing them.
Frustrations climaxed as I struggled with my ego one again. When I finally began to quiet my mind and go within last week, this 2 word phrase – LIFE INTENDED – came to me. Since then, it has continued to flutter into my awareness, seemingly wanting to make itself known. Something about it feels so right, but it’s taken some reflection to tease out exactly what this phrase is about for me.
My life experiences, especially since becoming a mother, and even more significantly over the past 12 months, have ignited a rage within me. A rage about the fact that we, as a species, have fallen so out of sync with what LIFE INTENDED, and that this is hurting us deeply, even destroying us. I want to share with you (a non-exhaustive list of) what is enraging me.
In our modern society, we (mostly mothers) raise our children largely in isolation, brewing stress, emotional disharmony, mental illness (particularly post-natal depression), and overall ill health. So many of us believe that if we’re not attending to everyone’s needs, maintaining our home, contributing to the household income, keeping up a social life, looking hot, and following our dreams, we aren’t doing it right. We even believe that if we’re not super busy and stressed and exhausted, we must be lazy.
We live in climate controlled, airtight (even energy efficiency has its down side) homes and workplaces, cut off from the nature of which we are a part.
We eat chemically-laden, highly processed foods that our ancestors wouldn’t even recognise, that mess with the intricate and perfect physiological design of our masterpiece bodies, causing imbalance and ill health. Even if we eat what most would consider a “healthy” diet filled with real food (fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts, meats, seafood etc.), if it’s conventionally farmed, it’s still hurting us thanks to all the chemical pesticides, herbicides, fungicides, antibiotics and more that are considered essential for modern farming practices.
We sit and stare at screens, often for hours at a time, straining our eyesight, destroying our posture, and addicting ourselves to passive digital entertainment, social media, and the dopamine rush of “follows” and “likes”.
We expose ourselves to artificial light, messing with our circadian rhythms, our hormones, our ability to get the quality sleep that our bodies need.
We expose ourselves to thousands of chemicals via air pollution, transportation, off-gassing from furniture and household fixtures and fittings, cleaning products, personal care products, air fresheners, medications and more, again messing with our physiology.
We visit doctors, expecting pills to cure our ills, creating side effects and failing to address what caused the issue in the first place.
We consume media, believing the hype, forgetting to question the source, the purpose, the money trail.
We have ravaged our environment: polluting seas and lands, decimating forests, triggering mass extinctions, slaughtering fertile lands, depleting natural resources and instigating catastrophic climate change.
We put our heads in the sand, because it’s all too hard – someone else will deal with it. Or we seek all of the answers outside of ourselves, having long forgotten the access we have to eternal wisdom within us. We’ve lost our way.
This was never what LIFE INTENDED.
Sometimes, I yearn to escape this madness, to get off the grid and back to nature to reconnect with that which LIFE INTENDED. To live how LIFE INTENDED us to live. Don’t scoff – I’m as attached to my modern conveniences as the next person, but a part of me knows that this way of life comes as a tremendous, devastating price. And so I fantasise.
The rage has bubbled up within me again this year as I’ve suffered the consequences of living out of sync with what LIFE INTENDED. Multiple hormonal imbalances. Depression. Anxiety. Overwhelm. Brain fog. Memory and word recall problems. Addictive behaviours. A crippling lack of self-esteem. Disconnection. And more – all of the cascading set of symptoms that essentially stem from the same source: not living as LIFE INTENDED.
These consequences – this was never what LIFE INTENDED.
So, what was it that LIFE INTENDED for us?
To live in harmony with nature, because that is what we are.
To be in community (in person, not just online). To raise our families with abundant support. To rest when we’re tired. To spend most of our time outdoors. To eat from nature’s bounty. To move our bodies every day. To rise with the sun and sleep when it sets. To utilise nature’s gifts. To value and care for our environment. To be attuned to our own intuition, our connection with Source.
I know that I’m not off my rocker in recognising this. I do appreciate many of the modern marvels and gifts of our ingenuity, the advances that we’ve made in medicine, technology, science and more. I’m not suggesting that we throw this all away to live as the animals do. But I believe, with all of my heart, that we desperately need to find balance, back toward what LIFE INTENDED.
Changing our ways, globally, is a dauntingly massive task, but the ache in my heart knows that it’s vital. The rage within is a gift, communicating the urgency and importance of such an undertaking.
I don’t want to focus on the problem. It was necessary that it to be brought to my attention, so that I could crystallise what it is that I’m aiming to achieve. And now, I know.
It’s time to focus on living as LIFE INTENDED. It’s what I’ve been trying to work my way towards, without having specifically identified it as such. But all the research, reading, podcast listening, documentary watching, meditating, diet changes, lifestyle changes, habit changes, purchasing changes … everything has been geared towards this: supporting myself and my family to live closer to the way LIFE INTENDED. The purpose I’ve been searching for has been weaving it’s way into my life for years now. It’s not something else “out there”. It’s here, what I’m already doing, for me and my family.
If you’re so inclined, I’d love to support you to do the same.
My heart aches. A dull and persistent ache. I feel it distinctly, physically, and yet I know, with a quiet confidence, that it is not from some physical pathology. It’s an energetic, emotional ache. I’m well practised, as I believe so many of us are, at ignoring it. At getting on with things, relegating it down to the bottom of the list of priorities, because life is “busy”. From time to time I notice it and acknowledge it. When I get still and quiet, there is space for it to be felt and acknowledged. I question where it comes from. At times it builds to a seemingly “out-of-the-blue” and unexplainable fit of anxiety. I do my best to squash it, to make it go away. But it doesn’t. It stays. Waiting for me to listen to its message.
The morning was cold and foggy. After the rigmarole of school drop off, I rugged up and headed out for my morning walk, looking forward to moving my body in the crisp cool air. Not long after reaching the wetlands, a 2 minute walk from my front door, I was greeted with spider webs. Hundreds and hundreds of dew-drop covered spider webs covering almost every tree, bush and plant along my trail. Web covered branches reminded me of fairy floss sticks, wrapped in the gauzy layers of spiders silk. Single strands stretched loosely from bush to bush. Spectacular orb webs were to be found here and there, and every corner of every railing was decorated in patterns of strung pearls. The spiders had spent a very productive night.
Whilst I marvelled at the beauty of their creations, it struck me that the Spider, one of my Soul Essences, hadn’t occupied my thoughts in quite some time. Always seeking to understand the communications of the Universe, I wondered “Is she speaking to me now through this marvellous display?” Surely she must be; it seemed so blatantly obvious that she was pulling out all the stops to garner my attention with such an extravagant exhibition laid out before me on my path where it would be virtually impossible to ignore. Whilst I’m always seeking to understand the messages of the Universe, there are plenty of times when I succumb to downplaying or dismissing them out of laziness or doubt. It can be easier to ignore them, feign ignorance, or justify their meaninglessness, allowing me to sit in my familiar comfort zone and go on pretending that I don’t know what I need to do rather than having to get uncomfortable taking new and unfamiliar action. Not today – she was in my face, staring me down, almost daring me to ignore the voice of my soul.
The messages and symbology of my Spider are many and varied, and I have a tendency to psychoanalyse them til the cows come home, which is really not the way that soul communication works. But putting aside the intricacies of who she is in my life, today her message was loud and clear: Slow down. Take note. Go within. Listen. The answers are within. Your effect on the world is determined by your consciousness.
I’ve been hearing these whispers the past few months, but they’ve been quiet enough that I’ve managed to override them with reasoning that seems so sensible that it’s been easy to follow: You’ve got work to do, you don’t have time to slow down. You can get to that later. You’re building a new business. And you love it, you’re committed to it, it’s in alignment with your desires and values and visions, you have a purpose now, so you’ve got to get on with it! Action action action! Just do all the things first, then you can get back to the business of soul alignment.
Ha. You’d think I would have learnt that lesson by now. It turns out old habits die hard, especially when they’re upheld by societal trends and norms. And what has the outcome been for me? Anxiety. Unnecessary stress. Lack of flow. Anguish. Despair. The pain in my heart.
As I began more deeply exploring the spiritual path a few years ago, I thought that the answers to my yearning for a purpose-driven life would be neatly spelt out for me with step by step instructions handed to me by my soul. In hindsight, it’s no surprise that I struggled with that soul journey, and have as yet been unable to complete it, given how ego driven it was. Because here’s the thing: the soul’s journey operates in a completely different paradigm to the ego’s desires.
Purpose is not necessarily a fixed task. A God-given mission does not necessarily align with modern ideals of a stellar career and financial “success”, however you define that. And whilst it is perfectly possibly to create these successes in alignment with your divine purpose, I’m coming to realise that much of my soul searching and yearning has in fact been an ego driven desire for significance, recognition, specialness and worthiness. I’m quite certain I’m not alone in that.
My Spider was reminding me that consciousness is the only way forward. The quality of my consciousness impacts my experience of life, impacts those I interact with, impacts the world, indeed the Universe. My heart chakra pain had a message for me, and I needed to face it square on, acknowledge it, feel it, accept its presence, and bring the full light of my consciousness to it, for it to be transmuted. Continuing to avoid the pain would have prolonged it and made it worse as it grews in an effort to make itself heard. My body, my soul, the Universe, were all telling me that I was off course, because the truth of my desire is that I want to weave webs of consciousness that will positively impact the Universe.
So many of us are disconnected. From our bodies, our environments, each other, our souls, the Universe. Our culture does not support a way of being in which we can tune in and connect and be guided towards healing and deep satisfaction. We are so heavily scheduled, rushed, pressured, and distracted that we become disconnected and disengaged. It strikes me that so many of us are so disconnected that we don’t even notice our pain. It blends into the background. We don’t realise how sick we are or how unwell we feel, until it grows to a point where it’s impossible to ignore: disease, severe pain, catastrophic life events. We don’t realise that our bodies, our souls, the Universe, are constantly in communication with us, offering warning signals that we’re heading down an unfavourable path and that we’d be wise to course correct. We’ve forgotten how to receive and interpret that communication. We’re too distracted and focused on externalities to hear the quiet whispers. We have bought into the modern mantra of busy-ness, constantly doing and striving. We don’t even realise that we could feel so much better than we do, we aren’t even aware that we’ve accepted that feeling pretty crap is just how life is. So many of us are deaf and blind to what is possible, how good it can be. We don’t take action to improve things or even acknowledge what isn’t working, until we reach breaking point and crisis hits.
We’ve forgotten that:
We are inherently lovable, loved, and worthy, without needing to earn it.
We are of God/the Universe, therefore all the answers we seek are within.
Working and striving and seeking won’t bring answers. Getting still, quiet, and going within will.
This doesn’t mean that we should all sit around navel gazing and twiddling our thumbs. What it does mean is that when our minds and our lives are overflowing with chaos and confusion and endless distraction, it’s an act of courage and commitment (and ultimately, productivity) to consciously slow down and turn inward. If we are to live lives of meaning and contribution and fulfilment and divine purpose, the action that achieves that must be fuelled by connection to our divinity, which is found by going within. It cannot come from a sense of duty or obligation or pressure derived from external sources. Soul alignment doesn’t happen through blindly following societal norms, or even forcing yourself to conform to someone else’s idea of conscious living.
So give yourself a break. Stop pushing so hard. Take a stand for your life and your legacy and opt out of the disconnection. Become aware of the unending impulse to be numbed out with mindless entertainment via ever-available devices and their social media rabbit holes designed to lure and capture us with distraction and quasi-connection. Remove the overwork, over-scheduling, overwhelm and busy-ness from the pedestal that society seems to have placed it on – it has no place there whatsoever, and it’s killing us. I dare you to slow down, get quiet, and listen. Listen to your body, feel its sensations. Notice your thoughts. Cultivate an ability to cut through the thoughts so that you may hear the voice of your soul. And discover a life worth living.
I’ve been searching for such a long time. For so long, I’ve yearned to know what it is that I should be doing with my life, how I should be of service, what my life purpose is, what my soul came here to do. This yearning has led me down many deep dark paths, feeling that I’m not good enough, not doing enough, that I am wasting my life away.
This all began to change just over three years ago when I came across Belinda Davidson. I was incredibly drawn to her “School of the Modern Mystic” (SoMM), and believed it was the answer to my prayers. “Change your energy, change your life” claimed Belinda. I was certain that if I learnt how to change my energy, everything would magically fall into place and I’d have all the answers I was searching for. I felt a deep confidence within me that the teachings of this course could pull me out of the cycle of depression that I continued to find myself in.
This course and the spiritual practices it taught me that became the foundation of my life certainly did have an incredible impact on my life. But 1, 2, and approaching 3 years in, I still felt like I was floundering. I’d even progressed to the Level 2 course, in which one accesses the cosmic chakras to discover their soul’s purpose, but I still felt lost and confused.
Early this year, something began to shift for me. During a live Shadow Working event with Belinda, I realised that despite my diligent efforts, I had been stuck in an incredibly strong negative mind-pattern of yearning, searching, self-doubt and comparison. I could see that I was firmly entrenched in a belief that this is who I am, that I can’t find my way home to who I am on a soul level. Admittedly, despite this realisation, I left the workshop feeling somewhat dazed and confused, but I resolved to work on my mindfulness practice, to let go and to accept what is. I realised that if I could train my mind to stop trying so damn hard, the theory was that it would eventually all come together.
Five months passed. I continued my devoted spiritual practice, but I gradually shifted it to be less of an effort and a striving to achieve some preconceived outcome, and to just allow. Around August, a few things happened, which in hindsight seem divinely orchestrated to bring me to the place I’m at today.
Firstly, I began seeing an incredible kinesiologist, Sarah Cox of Ignite Kinesiology. I knew Sarah from our association with SoMM, and I felt drawn to work with her, and the timing was just right. I was looking for someone to help me with ongoing hormonal health issues that I’d been unable to resolve with other practitioners, and it just felt right to work with Sarah. Our session, via Skype, was fascinating, enjoyable, and relaxing. It was my first experience of kinesiology, and I loved it, I felt incredibly held and supported by Sarah, and I trusted her implicitly. I booked my follow up session for a few weeks later.
Just prior to session number 2, I fell ill with influenza, along with half the population of Melbourne this winter. I spent days in bed whilst my rock of a husband took over parenting duties. I felt so unwell, but there were some days where I was well enough to read, and read and read. And read I did.
During my reading frenzy, I cleared out my overflowing inbox, and came across an email about essential oils, and specifically, dōTERRA. Something about this email struck me as significant, and sparked an interest in me that hadn’t been sparked before. I’d been following Tara Bliss for a number of years, and I’d observed her journey with this company from afar, but my attitude had always been that whilst I was somewhat envious of this seemingly incredible tribe of lightworkers who were doing work they absolutely loved sharing and educating about essential oils, it just wasn’t for me. You see, I’d appointed myself the World’s Worse Salesperson, having endured casual jobs throughout my teens in sales roles in which I completely sucked. The whole idea of selling anything made me feel nauseous. It turned me into an instant ball of self-conscious angst and inadequacy. I was 100% certain that I had absolutely no ability to convince anyone that they should buy anything, and I was wracked with worry that if I tried to, they would judge me to be an inauthentic and unworthy human being. Yep, I had a LOT of hang ups.
So the idea of joining a network marketing organisation, and having to take full responsibility for earning my own money by selling something wasn’t exactly within my scope of possibility. There have been a couple of opportunities along my path in which I’ve been invited to join similar organisations, but I eventually declined for numerous reasons which primarily included my lack of belief that I was capable of success in such a venture.
So, why did this email pique my interest? I wasn’t sure why, but by now I’ve learnt to follow the crumbs of interest and see where they lead. The empty days in bed with the flu gave me the perfect opportunity to research this further. And I researched with gusto. The further I got into it, the further I plunged into the possibility of an opportunity that was increasingly lighting me up the more I read.
Amongst this period of research, I had my second kinesiology session with Sarah, and whilst the initial intention behind seeing her had been my hormonal imbalance concerns, this session felt much more about the opportunity being presented to me, and that this bout of illness was a significant metaphysical purging of old, outdated energy and beliefs. I feel with certainty that the energy work that I did with Sarah was the final push over the line that I needed to transmute the negative belief systems that had been holding me back for so long, and this opened up the way for me to move forward with dōTERRA. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly did the work: 3 years of almost daily chakra cleanse meditations, working with the White Light, and practicing mindfulness. I’d also been dabbling with some EFT Tapping as well as devouring podcasts, books, videos and websites on topics around money mindset, energetic blocks to abundance, manifestation, and belief systems. I’ve been hard at work 🙂
So following the kinesiology and some conversations with Tara, I was ready to jump in wholeheartedly to this exciting new venture. I still had to find the cash to get myself started (as small as the initial investment was), and I went into action to do that. Some effort plus a few miracles along the way, and I was soon thereafter an official dōTERRA Wellness Advocate.
So, why dōTERRA, you ask. Let me share.
This company has stood out to me for a number of years now. I didn’t really know why, but they were appealing. I’ve dabbled with essential oils on and off throughout the years, but in recent times, they’ve felt like an expensive extravagance that didn’t fit within the budget of a stay at home mum (now I know better!). I am very health conscious, and I strive to provide my family with natural solutions before resorting to medical interventions, when and where appropriate. I value natural and organic, and I avoid using toxic chemicals in our home wherever I can.
I’ve watched various women in the online space share about their collaboration with this company, all women I respect and admire. So when I felt the pull to look at this business as a potential avenue for me, I was excited.
As I researched, I learned that dōTERRA (Latin for “gift of the earth”) see themselves as stewards of the earth. They take what nature has to offer, and share it with us as a natural alternative to commonly used synthetic remedies. Essential oils are not meant to replace conventional medicine – in fact, dōTERRA is doing everything they can to bridge the gap between conventional and alternative medicines, through their research partnerships with universities and hospitals.
In my research, I discovered that dōTERRA essential oils are of the most pristine purity, every single batch of oil undergoes multiple third party testing to assure that purity, and they are unparalleled in their quality.
In addition to their incredibly high standards, dōTERRA is a company with genuine heart. Their sourcing practices are nothing short of incredible, resulting in superior chemistry in their product as well as ensuring that the communities from which they source the oils (including many in developing nations) are supported and nurtured to ensure their wellbeing and long term sustainability.
It gets better. dōTERRA have also set up a charity, the Healing Hands Foundation which does breathtakingly inspirational humanitarian work, as a result of the many horrific issues facing these communities. So much so that when I share about this aspect of the company, I often end up in tears. And this isn’t just a surface level ploy to appear as a good corporate citizen – every single dollar donated to their charity goes to those in need, and any executive, employee or Wellness Advocate who goes on one of their humanitarian missions does so at their own expense. The management of the charity is funded by dōTERRA, not by Healing Hands.
I had the privilege of attending a dōTERRA event last month which featured founding executive Emily Wright. Listening to her speak and share from the heart, being in a room filled with so many people filled with passion for this company and this mission, confirmed everything I’d been feeling and reading about. This is an organisation with a mission to change the world, not just make a profit. I shared more about this evening on Instagram.
Then there’s the team I’ve joined. Team Bliss is just incredible, and it just fits me like a glove. The women are so generous, supportive, loving, positive, and high-vibing, and the training and mentorship on offer is amazing. I’ve been beautifully nurtured from the very beginning.
I’ve come to learn that the network marketing model, and the way it works specifically within this organisation, is the most incredible opportunity and beautifully supportive business model. dōTERRA is primarily a company that sells a product to customers – there is absolutely no obligation for customers to sell product or build a business, and customers should not feel pressured to do so. The investment to build a business is minimal and so accessible, especially when compared with the investment required for other business start ups. The compensation plan is so generous and full of potential for those willing to put in the effort required to build a business. This is about empowering (mostly, but not exclusively) women to achieve financial independence and freedom. There is also incredible beauty in the way this model sees (mostly) women supporting other women to rise. There is no sense of competition, it is all about collaboration and support.
And the oils … well they are divine, and smell like heaven. What’s not to love?
I read an email over the weekend in which dōTERRA Blue Diamond leader and member of Team Bliss, Alice Nicholls, shared the following, which spoke to me so deeply, and confirmed yet another reason why working alongside this company and these oils feels so right:
There is a subtle bio-energy that flows through all organic life. It goes by many names and is sometimes referred to as Chi or life force. This energy is expressed as an electromagnetic vibrational frequency (for you data/science lovers) – and pure essential oils have the highest frequencies of any measured natural substance.
The healthy human brain vibrates at a frequency of around 68-78MHz.
Rose, Frankincense, Helichrysum, and Myrrh essential oils vibrate at a frequency over 300MHz.
So, let’s say that instead of less than 1% of our country having a dōTERRA account and using these oils, ALL of us did. We would literally raise the vibration of the entire country.
So, it was all of this that sold me. The fears and negative mindsets around selling melted away in light of how lit up this product, this team, this company makes me feel, and the good that I know I can achieve through this business. All that energy work of the past 3 years has paid off and I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot. I see the beauty and the possibility in the network marketing model, and my results thus far indicate that energetically, I am not the woman I was 3 years ago. I am manifesting something magic.
Have my prayers been answered? Well, not in the way I had originally been hoping for. I thought that I wanted to discover my purpose so that I would know exactly what to do to make me feel happy and fulfilled. I thought that there was a neat little answer, a step-by-step guideline of where to go and what to do. That is not what I found, but I do believe that God answered my prayers. I’ve learnt along that way that by changing my energy, and raising my vibration, I come into closer and closer alignment with my soul, that part of me that is my connection to the divine. As I continue my practice, l discover how to communicate with my soul more and more, how to hear it’s whispers (or even it’s shouts that I’ve historically been so deaf to!) and follow it’s guidance. I have a trust that in doing this, I’m following my destiny, I’m fulfilling my souls desires, I’m living my purpose which doesn’t fit into a neatly defined description. As I follow what lights me up, that feeling of being alive and on fire with passion and joy is my signal from the universe that I am on the right path, and that there isn’t a specific destination that I must arrive at. There is no striving, no hard and fast goals, just a trust that I am being led in the perfect direction.
Image credit: Fire by Zdenko Zivkovic. Used under license.
So, that’s why I’m shifting focus. I feel as though this new venture (and adventure!) is in perfect alignment with who I am at a soul level. Even others see it: my sister-in-law exclaimed amidst my first workshop that she had suddenly had a vision – this “work” has my inner witch – one of my soul essences – completely on fire! These little potion bottles of Mother Nature’s magic set me alight, and I’m so filled with gratitude that I’ve found myself in this place where I can share a gift with anyone who’s open to listening and learning.
You can read more about essential oils, dōTERRA , and how to purchase, on my Essential Oils page.
I’ve been pondering this a bit recently. Through the inevitable ups and downs of life, the ebb and flow, I’ve questioned the strength of my faith, and even whether I have any at all.
The Oxford Dictionary defines faith as “complete trust or confidence in someone or something”, or “strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof”. For me personally, in this context, faith is my complete trust, confidence and conviction in my spirituality, my spiritual practices, and the spiritual teachings I follow, regardless of any proof or lack thereof.
So, the question I’ve asked myself lately is, do I possess unwavering trust and confidence in my spiritual journey?
The answer, I’m afraid, is no.
But it’s not a terrible thing, and it’s something I’m constantly strengthening with my daily devotion. Let me explain.
When things are great and I’m flying high, it’s so easy to have faith, to trust that I’m headed in the right direction, and that my spirituality is my guiding light. But on the down days, when life feels like a slog, it’s so easy to ditch that faith straight into the rubbish bin, convincing myself in my negative downward spiral of ego-identified suffering that “this sh*t doesn’t work”.
I’ve found myself there many a time. With infuriating frustration, I agonise over why it’s not working for me, why I’m failing despite my dedicated practice, that I must be defective because it’s working for everybody else. I get enmeshed and weighed down in expectations and comparison. I throw my faith out the window with the temperament of a 3 year old throwing a tantrum.
But I am determined. I claw my way back, eventually, into the upswing. And when I do, I laugh at how my descent into suffering is not only part of life for the unenlightened, but that when I’m down I rub dirt into the wound by failing to be vigilant and on guard with one key spiritual practice: mindfulness. I identify with the ego who tells me all these sickening lies, and I believe them. I might sometimes manage to observe my negative thoughts, but even when I do, I often find myself forgetting to disidentify with them, and believing them regardless.
The key here: this is a practice. I’m realising that faith isn’t something thta is necessarily unwavering, is something that I need to practice, just like my spiritual practices. It doesn’t matter, in the scheme of things, if my faith seems to waver from time to time as I descend into an ebb, because I’ve embedded my spiritual practices deeply enough into my everyday living, through devoted repetition, day after day after day, that I KNOW I will come out the other side, rising like the phoenix from the ashes. And I trust – I have faith – that with more practice, I’ll increasingly improve my ability to disidentify from my ego, and those ebbs will become less dramatic, and be fewer and further between.
But there is another aspect to this faith question that has arisen for me. The catalyst for my foray into my spiritual path was my recurrent struggle with mental health, which, amongst other drivers, was largely fuelled by a persistent yearning to find my way, to know and live my purpose for being here in this life. As such, whilst I’m coming to terms with the fact that this doesn’t necessarily look the way my ego wants it to – a concise job description that, if I follow it, will definitively bring me joy and complete fulfilment from now until my last breath – there is a part of me that has continued to seek a specific level of connection to God that will guide me on my correct path. To put it more specifically: I’ve been waiting for my intuition to kick in and ramp up, so that I can make confident choices and take actions that feel aligned with my soul. I’ve had faith that through working on my energy, through strengthening my chakras, I’ll learn to connect to that inner guidance, that indwelling divinity. I’ve had faith that I’ll become strong in my certainty that my third eye intuits with accuracy and precision, that my solar plexus communicates to me definitively. That my heart communicates with clear distinction from my head. That I can access my chakra eight and communicate with my soul with ease and clarity. Almost three years into my journey, I’ve questioned why I’m not there yet, as though the spiritual path has a final destination with a due date. I’ve had such faith that this path is THE path for me, but the test of time has strained that faith. I’ve been impatient. I’ve questioned why, after so much devotion, I’ve still felt so lost. It’s hard to keep the faith when you aren’t getting what you want in your anticipated timeframe, when you’re stuck in egoic thoughts about what should or shouldn’t be happening. But like I said before, I’m determined, and I’ve clung on to that faith.
Something about this quandary has shifted significantly for me very recently. I could attempt to attribute it to one of a number of specific things, but ultimately I think it’s a culmination of everything leading up to now – my continued devotion to my spiritual practice, some energy healing work I’ve done with a few practitioners, my readiness to begin working with intention setting, all the self help and spirituality books and podcasts I love to gorge on, the affirmations I’ve been repeating, the EFT tapping I’ve been experimenting with, divine timing, external conditions, perhaps even the full moon lunar eclipse and this lions gate thing everyone’s been banging on about! I’ve recognised that some of my negative subconscious programming has been rewritten. Areas in which I’ve previously felt so blocked have suddenly become free-flowing, unhindered, non-issues. It feels miraculous and magical. I’ve found myself doing certain things, without having given them much (if any) thought or effort. I’ve found myself unconcerned with potential challenges and stumbling blocks, inherently knowing that I’ll find any necessary solutions, but not consciously thinking through this as a strategy. I’ve then found myself, at random times (like when I’m on the toilet!!!) instantly coming up with solutions to challenges that I didn’t even realise I was attempting to solve. I’ve found myself taking constructive actions almost impulsively, which previously would have taken much self-coercion and motivation mustering. Things that previously I allowed fear to hold me back from, now I’m boldly marching towards with conviction and FAITH that it’s the right direction to move in, and that even if I fail, it’s all part of the journey.
What I’m coming to realise is that surrender is a big part of faith, that letting go and allowing the natural intelligence of the universe to flow unhindered through me is key. When I have faith, I know that there’s no need to strive, no need to worry, no need to push. I trust that I’m guided, and that even if I take a wrong turn, I can get back on track and appreciate the detour for the lessons that it gave me. But previously, surrender has felt infuriatingly elusive. How does one simply “let go” of trying to do everything we can to obtain something we want so desperately?
Six weeks ago I began working with the “Lunar Abundance” practice created by Dr Ezzie Spencer in her book, “An Abundant Life: Flourishing with the cycles of the Moon”. Ezzie’s practice provides a framework whereby you set a feelings based intention at the new moon, and then use the lunar cycle as a natural time keeper and self reflection tool to manifest your intention. At the last new moon, I found myself setting my second ever lunar abundance intention:
I feel safe, held and supported, trusting and knowing that the divine within me is constantly guiding me towards living my souls purpose.
Little did I realise what I was conjuring with this intention. The setting of it arose organically and intuitively through the process, and I assumed it was about my ongoing desire to discover my souls purpose. But I was also actually asking to find my faith. Following the practice, in which I intentionally felt and embodied those feelings of safety, of being held and supported, of trusting and knowing that I’m being guided by God towards my purpose, I was manifesting. I was making magic. It felt so sublimely good to feel the way I wanted to feel, and by intentionally doing so, I believe I flicked a metaphysical switch that had me realise that I’m now feeling the feelings because I already am being guided. I realised at the full moon that I didn’t have to imagine the intention manifesting in order to feel the feelings, because the intention already was manifest, and the guidance had been there all along – I just hadn’t recognised it before. I just need to feel the feelings and then remember that the divine is always working through me. It was around this time that the shift took place, and things began to flow. Like I said before, I believe it was a culmination of multiple contributing factors that brought me to this shift point, but this specific aspect felt particularly relevant and enlightening, highlighting for me what had changed. It was so easy. I’m in awe.
So am I insured from ever again losing my faith in this respect? Well I’m not sure, probably not. As in my more general spiritual journey, it’s possible that there may be times that my faith will waver, but I believe that I have the tools and practices that will always bring me back into alignment and back to my sense of faith. Faith therefore isn’t something I have to feel obliged to perpetually uphold in an attempt to maintain a spiritual identity, but something that I can trust will always be available to me when I’m ready to come home to myself after the inevitable missteps into suffering.
