During a recent kinesiology session, my kinesiologist asked me to share about what is going well in my life right now. I faltered, and struggled to come up with much, apart from some aspects of my parenting that I’ve been working to improve.
I’ve been reflecting on the conversation, because it bothered me that my perspective has been so negative, that I’ve been thinking that there’s something “not good enough” about just about every aspect of my life. This tends to happen when I don’t keep up my gratitude practice, or when my meditation practice falters, or any number of other reasons. I recognised that when I focus on the positive, I feel better, so I decided to write a list of all that is going well in my life. I’m pleased to say that I almost filled the page.
I was also reflecting on all the things that I’ve been thinking aren’t going well/aren’t good enough, and thought it might be helpful to shift my approach and write a list of “what I want to improve in my life”. As it turned out, that list was actually much shorter, less than half a page. Writing it out helped me to realise that I’d been catastrophising.
I also realised that a lot of what I wrote, in both lists, matched a bigger list I wrote 2 months ago, of all my desires. I realised that many of my desires have actually manifested, and for the ones that haven’t, it’s much more helpful to focus on desiring them and how good their manifestation will feel, than to lament that they’re not yet my reality, which only serves to propel me onto a downward trajectory.
It seems to be a recurring theme for me (ahem, I suspect I’m not the only one!) that I cycle through phases of feeling good about where I’m at, and feeling not so good about where I’m at. I’m realising with greater clarity that the circumstances don’t need to change for me to feel good about where I’m at, but rather it’s a matter of focus. It can be a conscious choice, rather than a result of what’s happening externally in my life.
I’m becoming much clearer about what I truly desire, what’s working for me, what’s not working for me, and how I’m willing to invest my time and energy. I’m learning to let go of outdated and unhelpful standards that I set for myself in the past regarding what success means and looks like to me. I’m learning, slowly, to let go of basing how I feel about where I’m at in my life, on how I think other people are judging me about where I’m at. It hasn’t been easy to let go of that one – it’s a work in progress. I’m so aware that a life filled with choices based on the opinions of others is not a happy life. And I’m aware that even if I make choices for myself, constant angst about what others think about my choices is not a happy way to live either. Awareness and understanding do not necessarily equal integration … to be continued!
I’ve been searching for such a long time. For so long, I’ve yearned to know what it is that I should be doing with my life, how I should be of service, what my life purpose is, what my soul came here to do. This yearning has led me down many deep dark paths, feeling that I’m not good enough, not doing enough, that I am wasting my life away.
This all began to change just over three years ago when I came across Belinda Davidson. I was incredibly drawn to her “School of the Modern Mystic” (SoMM), and believed it was the answer to my prayers. “Change your energy, change your life” claimed Belinda. I was certain that if I learnt how to change my energy, everything would magically fall into place and I’d have all the answers I was searching for. I felt a deep confidence within me that the teachings of this course could pull me out of the cycle of depression that I continued to find myself in.
This course and the spiritual practices it taught me that became the foundation of my life certainly did have an incredible impact on my life. But 1, 2, and approaching 3 years in, I still felt like I was floundering. I’d even progressed to the Level 2 course, in which one accesses the cosmic chakras to discover their soul’s purpose, but I still felt lost and confused.
Early this year, something began to shift for me. During a live Shadow Working event with Belinda, I realised that despite my diligent efforts, I had been stuck in an incredibly strong negative mind-pattern of yearning, searching, self-doubt and comparison. I could see that I was firmly entrenched in a belief that this is who I am, that I can’t find my way home to who I am on a soul level. Admittedly, despite this realisation, I left the workshop feeling somewhat dazed and confused, but I resolved to work on my mindfulness practice, to let go and to accept what is. I realised that if I could train my mind to stop trying so damn hard, the theory was that it would eventually all come together.
Five months passed. I continued my devoted spiritual practice, but I gradually shifted it to be less of an effort and a striving to achieve some preconceived outcome, and to just allow. Around August, a few things happened, which in hindsight seem divinely orchestrated to bring me to the place I’m at today.
Firstly, I began seeing an incredible kinesiologist, Sarah Cox of Ignite Kinesiology. I knew Sarah from our association with SoMM, and I felt drawn to work with her, and the timing was just right. I was looking for someone to help me with ongoing hormonal health issues that I’d been unable to resolve with other practitioners, and it just felt right to work with Sarah. Our session, via Skype, was fascinating, enjoyable, and relaxing. It was my first experience of kinesiology, and I loved it, I felt incredibly held and supported by Sarah, and I trusted her implicitly. I booked my follow up session for a few weeks later.
Just prior to session number 2, I fell ill with influenza, along with half the population of Melbourne this winter. I spent days in bed whilst my rock of a husband took over parenting duties. I felt so unwell, but there were some days where I was well enough to read, and read and read. And read I did.
During my reading frenzy, I cleared out my overflowing inbox, and came across an email about essential oils, and specifically, dōTERRA. Something about this email struck me as significant, and sparked an interest in me that hadn’t been sparked before. I’d been following Tara Bliss for a number of years, and I’d observed her journey with this company from afar, but my attitude had always been that whilst I was somewhat envious of this seemingly incredible tribe of lightworkers who were doing work they absolutely loved sharing and educating about essential oils, it just wasn’t for me. You see, I’d appointed myself the World’s Worse Salesperson, having endured casual jobs throughout my teens in sales roles in which I completely sucked. The whole idea of selling anything made me feel nauseous. It turned me into an instant ball of self-conscious angst and inadequacy. I was 100% certain that I had absolutely no ability to convince anyone that they should buy anything, and I was wracked with worry that if I tried to, they would judge me to be an inauthentic and unworthy human being. Yep, I had a LOT of hang ups.
So the idea of joining a network marketing organisation, and having to take full responsibility for earning my own money by selling something wasn’t exactly within my scope of possibility. There have been a couple of opportunities along my path in which I’ve been invited to join similar organisations, but I eventually declined for numerous reasons which primarily included my lack of belief that I was capable of success in such a venture.
So, why did this email pique my interest? I wasn’t sure why, but by now I’ve learnt to follow the crumbs of interest and see where they lead. The empty days in bed with the flu gave me the perfect opportunity to research this further. And I researched with gusto. The further I got into it, the further I plunged into the possibility of an opportunity that was increasingly lighting me up the more I read.
Amongst this period of research, I had my second kinesiology session with Sarah, and whilst the initial intention behind seeing her had been my hormonal imbalance concerns, this session felt much more about the opportunity being presented to me, and that this bout of illness was a significant metaphysical purging of old, outdated energy and beliefs. I feel with certainty that the energy work that I did with Sarah was the final push over the line that I needed to transmute the negative belief systems that had been holding me back for so long, and this opened up the way for me to move forward with dōTERRA. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly did the work: 3 years of almost daily chakra cleanse meditations, working with the White Light, and practicing mindfulness. I’d also been dabbling with some EFT Tapping as well as devouring podcasts, books, videos and websites on topics around money mindset, energetic blocks to abundance, manifestation, and belief systems. I’ve been hard at work 🙂
So following the kinesiology and some conversations with Tara, I was ready to jump in wholeheartedly to this exciting new venture. I still had to find the cash to get myself started (as small as the initial investment was), and I went into action to do that. Some effort plus a few miracles along the way, and I was soon thereafter an official dōTERRA Wellness Advocate.
So, why dōTERRA, you ask. Let me share.
This company has stood out to me for a number of years now. I didn’t really know why, but they were appealing. I’ve dabbled with essential oils on and off throughout the years, but in recent times, they’ve felt like an expensive extravagance that didn’t fit within the budget of a stay at home mum (now I know better!). I am very health conscious, and I strive to provide my family with natural solutions before resorting to medical interventions, when and where appropriate. I value natural and organic, and I avoid using toxic chemicals in our home wherever I can.
I’ve watched various women in the online space share about their collaboration with this company, all women I respect and admire. So when I felt the pull to look at this business as a potential avenue for me, I was excited.
As I researched, I learned that dōTERRA (Latin for “gift of the earth”) see themselves as stewards of the earth. They take what nature has to offer, and share it with us as a natural alternative to commonly used synthetic remedies. Essential oils are not meant to replace conventional medicine – in fact, dōTERRA is doing everything they can to bridge the gap between conventional and alternative medicines, through their research partnerships with universities and hospitals.
In my research, I discovered that dōTERRA essential oils are of the most pristine purity, every single batch of oil undergoes multiple third party testing to assure that purity, and they are unparalleled in their quality.
In addition to their incredibly high standards, dōTERRA is a company with genuine heart. Their sourcing practices are nothing short of incredible, resulting in superior chemistry in their product as well as ensuring that the communities from which they source the oils (including many in developing nations) are supported and nurtured to ensure their wellbeing and long term sustainability.
It gets better. dōTERRA have also set up a charity, the Healing Hands Foundation which does breathtakingly inspirational humanitarian work, as a result of the many horrific issues facing these communities. So much so that when I share about this aspect of the company, I often end up in tears. And this isn’t just a surface level ploy to appear as a good corporate citizen – every single dollar donated to their charity goes to those in need, and any executive, employee or Wellness Advocate who goes on one of their humanitarian missions does so at their own expense. The management of the charity is funded by dōTERRA, not by Healing Hands.
I had the privilege of attending a dōTERRA event last month which featured founding executive Emily Wright. Listening to her speak and share from the heart, being in a room filled with so many people filled with passion for this company and this mission, confirmed everything I’d been feeling and reading about. This is an organisation with a mission to change the world, not just make a profit. I shared more about this evening on Instagram.
Then there’s the team I’ve joined. Team Bliss is just incredible, and it just fits me like a glove. The women are so generous, supportive, loving, positive, and high-vibing, and the training and mentorship on offer is amazing. I’ve been beautifully nurtured from the very beginning.
I’ve come to learn that the network marketing model, and the way it works specifically within this organisation, is the most incredible opportunity and beautifully supportive business model. dōTERRA is primarily a company that sells a product to customers – there is absolutely no obligation for customers to sell product or build a business, and customers should not feel pressured to do so. The investment to build a business is minimal and so accessible, especially when compared with the investment required for other business start ups. The compensation plan is so generous and full of potential for those willing to put in the effort required to build a business. This is about empowering (mostly, but not exclusively) women to achieve financial independence and freedom. There is also incredible beauty in the way this model sees (mostly) women supporting other women to rise. There is no sense of competition, it is all about collaboration and support.
And the oils … well they are divine, and smell like heaven. What’s not to love?
I read an email over the weekend in which dōTERRA Blue Diamond leader and member of Team Bliss, Alice Nicholls, shared the following, which spoke to me so deeply, and confirmed yet another reason why working alongside this company and these oils feels so right:
There is a subtle bio-energy that flows through all organic life. It goes by many names and is sometimes referred to as Chi or life force. This energy is expressed as an electromagnetic vibrational frequency (for you data/science lovers) – and pure essential oils have the highest frequencies of any measured natural substance.
The healthy human brain vibrates at a frequency of around 68-78MHz.
Rose, Frankincense, Helichrysum, and Myrrh essential oils vibrate at a frequency over 300MHz.
So, let’s say that instead of less than 1% of our country having a dōTERRA account and using these oils, ALL of us did. We would literally raise the vibration of the entire country.
So, it was all of this that sold me. The fears and negative mindsets around selling melted away in light of how lit up this product, this team, this company makes me feel, and the good that I know I can achieve through this business. All that energy work of the past 3 years has paid off and I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot. I see the beauty and the possibility in the network marketing model, and my results thus far indicate that energetically, I am not the woman I was 3 years ago. I am manifesting something magic.
Have my prayers been answered? Well, not in the way I had originally been hoping for. I thought that I wanted to discover my purpose so that I would know exactly what to do to make me feel happy and fulfilled. I thought that there was a neat little answer, a step-by-step guideline of where to go and what to do. That is not what I found, but I do believe that God answered my prayers. I’ve learnt along that way that by changing my energy, and raising my vibration, I come into closer and closer alignment with my soul, that part of me that is my connection to the divine. As I continue my practice, l discover how to communicate with my soul more and more, how to hear it’s whispers (or even it’s shouts that I’ve historically been so deaf to!) and follow it’s guidance. I have a trust that in doing this, I’m following my destiny, I’m fulfilling my souls desires, I’m living my purpose which doesn’t fit into a neatly defined description. As I follow what lights me up, that feeling of being alive and on fire with passion and joy is my signal from the universe that I am on the right path, and that there isn’t a specific destination that I must arrive at. There is no striving, no hard and fast goals, just a trust that I am being led in the perfect direction.
Image credit: Fire by Zdenko Zivkovic. Used under license.
So, that’s why I’m shifting focus. I feel as though this new venture (and adventure!) is in perfect alignment with who I am at a soul level. Even others see it: my sister-in-law exclaimed amidst my first workshop that she had suddenly had a vision – this “work” has my inner witch – one of my soul essences – completely on fire! These little potion bottles of Mother Nature’s magic set me alight, and I’m so filled with gratitude that I’ve found myself in this place where I can share a gift with anyone who’s open to listening and learning.
You can read more about essential oils, dōTERRA , and how to purchase, on my Essential Oils page.
For so long I’ve felt stunted in writing in this space. In fits and spurts I manage to create a little something here and there, but consistency has eluded me, pretty well from the start. I go for weeks or months without writing, and then announce out of the blue when I’m back.
I’ve questioned this erratic pattern, I’ve told myself that if I want to make something of my writing I need to get consistent, I need to be creating content, I need/should/must do this and that. Constant judgement and criticism. And that, my friend, is a prime recipe for procrastination & paralysis.
When inspiration hits, the words come flowing in my mind. I’m consumed by them, I’m illuminated by them, I’m propelled by them.
Sometimes, I prioritise getting them out of my head and onto the paper or screen. Other times, I tell myself “later”, because there’s the cooking and the washing and the million other things on the to-do list. Generally, later never comes, or if it does, the words seem to have left the building – what was earlier an abundant overflow of ideas and words becomes a deserted, empty, echoing chamber. That is frustrating.
The thing is, I know that it’s futile to wait until my ducks are all in a row to make a go of creating something of beauty, meaning or significance. And yet, it mostly feels like life is always in the way.
My journey, particularly over the past 3 years, has bought me so far. So much healing, so much growth, so much expansion. And yet, so often I find myself questioning why I haven’t reached my destination yet – I have this vague concept of arriving in a place of perfection where all my wounds are healed, I’ve got my sh*t completely sorted, I’m in perfect health, I’m living a life that from an external perspective looks successful, and I’m in perfect alignment with the divine and living my soul’s purpose. From that place, I tell myself, I’ll be able to share words of wisdom that are truly of service.
This egoic questioning is ceaseless, and the judgement and criticism of not being “there” and of being where I’m at, of course, drags me down and pulls me further and further away from this imaginative nirvana. It also goes against everything I’ve been taught.
It physically feels like being caught in the thick and tangled web of a mammoth spider, so rope-like and thick that it chokes my breath and holds me captive, blocks my view, weighs me down and slows me to a crawl. It feels incomprehensibly penetrating, like it pierces through my body as though it wasn’t even there. And yet, I know there is a way out. I know that I haven’t been wound and tightly bound by any spider, helplessly trapped and doomed for annihilation. I walked my own way into the web, and got myself into this mess, entangling myself more and more with every egoic thought that I entertained.
And so, the time eventually arrives when I see the thoughts for what they are, I recognise that they’re just thoughts and they’re not me and they’re not truth, and I am freed. Things pick up, and I swing into an up-cycle where I’m on top of the world and at peace within.
I know, when I’m on the high, that the low thoughts will return. I’m aware and on the lookout. Sometimes, when they arrive, I see them for what they are, and I sidestep another low. Other times, they hit me and I forget all I’ve learnt, and I go through the cycle again until I catch a glimpse of the light and bring myself back to peace again. And on and on it goes.
The downs have become fewer and further between, but they have persisted. Sometimes, the very fact that I’ve avoided a downer in so long becomes fodder for my desperate ego to latch onto, as I criticise myself for falling victim to this habitual pattern again after doing so well. Why, I ask myself, do I allow this to happen when I know better? Why do I fall continually when I know how to rise, why do I fall victim when I know what’s coming? Why do I allow myself to descend into hell when I know how to reside in heaven? Why do I do this, as I watch my peers and teachers continue to rise and transcend their hell? And then, in a disorienting twist of consciousness, I know that this thought is just a thought and if I allow it to it will drag me down further, and yet I believe it. I merge with it. I become overwhelmingly ensnared within the web. I identify with the egoic part of me that says this is true, even though I know it’s not and I know it’s simply a thought that my mind is having. **Exhausting.** Confusing.
So today I’m here. The thoughts and ideas of my morning mind wanderings are not morphing into the words right now that I expected, but they’re along similar lines. What I know is this: just because I haven’t got it all worked out, just because I haven’t arrived in that utopian paradise where I’m essentially a saint or a guru or spiritually enlightened, doesn’t mean I don’t have value to share. Just because I don’t have all the answers doesn’t mean that there’s not value in the lessons I have learned, or even in sharing my lows along with my highs. My intention has never been to seek sympathy or publicly air my demons for the purpose of narcissistically offloading my woes. I speak of my shadows and darknesses in the hope that I can aid someone, anyone, even just a little, in lightening their load along with me mine.
And then, so easefully and gracefully, everything changes. I remind myself that the utopian paradise, the idealistic destination, doesn’t exist – it’s a figment of my imagination. There is no destination. Only a perpetual journey. In the simple turn of a thought, I find myself surrendering to what is and letting go of the pain and the epic struggle. The spiderweb disolves into nothingness. I discover that I’m back on the upswing, and I’m once again living in heaven on earth.
